


Force of Nature

by starwarringavengers



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gray Jedi, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Burn, Smut, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, That's Not How The Force Works, The Force Ships It, There's a little bit of plot, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, rey loves ben but first he has to stop being a dick, there is sin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-27 11:52:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 43,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13247670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwarringavengers/pseuds/starwarringavengers
Summary: Rey and Kylo's force bond hasn't been eradicated with Snoke's death, as both assumed it would be. Now, they battle for peace away from each other while their minds and the Force continue to tie them together.“No, it’s not everything I want. I thought it would be,” Ben states. His emotions give way to calm, a mellowness that perhaps only Rey has ever seen return to his features. No trace of anger. Just a small trace of sadness.“Too bad,” She says, unable to keep her own hostility at bay. Ben begins to pace around the room, back and forth a few steps, then a few more. Where is he? On a ship? Docked on a planet somewhere?I can’t see your surroundings. Only you.His footsteps make no imprints in the dirt floor of the hut, but his scent lingers in the air as he walks by.





	1. Look At What You've Done

Rey had never seen snow before the battle on Starkiller Base. The desert can get cold at night, but it’s nothing like the whipping flakes that attack her face. She’s still not used to it, and she figures that maybe she does prefer the chill of the dark desert to this. She trudges through the snow towards the camp and her little cabin. One moment, there’s the loud swirl of wind around Rey, and then there’s nothing. There’s silence. There’s her breath. There’s another. Him. 

“I thought this was done,” His voice is low, rumbling, coming from behind Rey where she stops dead in the middle of a stride. When she turns he’s standing there, darkness against the white snow.

“I thought it was, too. I thought Snoke was the one doing this,” Rey states, watching him squint as the snow blows around them. The cold wind chills Rey to the bone, and she wonders if he can feel it. 

“Snoke loves to take credit for the things that the force does,” Ben says quietly. Rey crosses her arms against the freezing wind and turns away. The silence is the only indication that he’s still behind her as she continues to make her way towards the cabin, running away from this moment with a desperation she hopes he can’t feel. With the knowledge that he’s continuing to follow her, Rey kicks her way through the snow and shoves open the door to the cabin, huffing a little. His footsteps shuffle on the dirt floor. There’s nothing Rey wants more than to curl up by the blazing fire on the far side of the room and sleep, but instead, she tears off her coat and scarf to hang them. Out of the corner of her eye, Ben runs a hand through his hair, shaking out the snow. Rey plops down in front of the fire in her little seat, heart hammering in her chest. 

“Why are you here?” Rey asks finally, and behind her Ben shifts on his feet. 

“I don’t think I can choose when to appear, Rey, it doesn’t work like that,” Ben hisses, moving to stand beside Rey. Shaking her head, she throws a piece of stray wood into the fire, watching it hiss and burn. Let him act like an ass, then. 

“Does it happen when we think about each other?” She asks tentatively, wanting with everything for that not to be the reason, but it seems pretty plausible. Ben scoffs. 

“I was not thinking about you. I was meditating,” He says lowly, as if annoyed. Rey feels heat flare up in her face, but not the good kind. It’s the angry kind, that makes her want to turn and punch him right in the mouth. Ben sighs a little, slowly pulling off his gloves and stretching his fingers out as if he’s going to warm them by the fire. His hands are large, rough and calloused but warm, that much Rey knows, from the time their fingertips touched. It was like touching an open flame. In her own body, she can feel the heat of him, can remember the way his back felt against hers when they fought in Snoke’s throne room, the strength in his thighs when she’d leaned against him. It saddens her, but she can’t say it’s surprising, that their first meeting since the salt planet is going this way. Crushing silence and the fire turning Rey’s face red. 

“Feel free to leave at any point,” Rey snaps, watching him out of the corner of her eye as he seems to stare at the dirt floor.

“There’s a fire going,” He states suddenly, after a moment of harsh silence that comes along with this strange Force-made bond.

“Here? Or there?” Rey asks, and his dark eyes flick up at her quickly, but the glance is gone as soon as it came and now his eyes are closed. Rey is short of breath for a moment. 

“There. With you. I can feel it,” He tells her, and they’re thinking of the same thing - the night in the hut, after the mirror cave. Rey can see the fire flickering on his face, the fear as he moved to touch her. Her anger returns abruptly, like erupting applause. 

“How is leadership treating you? Everything you’ve ever wanted?” Rey questions, looking back into the burning fire as Ben seems to step closer to it. 

“No,” He says quickly. Rey starts, narrowing her eyes at him. Not the answer she had been anticipating. In fact, she wasn’t so sure she would get one at all. He’s not exactly forthcoming with information, especially when it comes to his emotions. Rey chances to look up to find him staring down at her. “No, it’s not everything I want. I thought it would be,” Ben states. His emotions give way to calm, a mellowness that perhaps only Rey has ever seen return to his features. No trace of anger. Just a small trace of sadness. 

“Too bad,” She says, unable to keep her own hostility at bay. Ben begins to pace around the room, back and forth a few steps, then a few more. Where is he? On a ship? Docked on a planet somewhere? 

_I can’t see your surroundings. Only you._

His footsteps make no imprints in the dirt floor of the hut, but his scent lingers in the air as he walks by.

“The one thing I want is so close, but so far away from me,” Ben says quietly, and where he stops it looks as if he’s staring into the same fire that she is. 

“Ben,” Rey breathes, wishing he’d come closer. Wishing it hadn’t happened how it did. Wishing above all that the two of them weren’t in this position. 

“Stop calling me that,” He growls suddenly, his gaze dripping with sadness. 

“It’s your name,” She snaps, standing to see his face better. 

“The boy you want is dead,” He says. 

“He’s not!” Rey takes a step towards him, hand out as if to touch him. His gaze follows her fingertips as they stop inches from him. Their eyes meet, and then suddenly he’s vanished into thin   
air, and the sound of the real world has returned to her as if he was never there in the first place.


	2. Two Halves of Something

In dreams, he’s slipping through her fingers. Like water. Like sand. 

Rey wakes to the strange static of the bond humming back to life, snapping, almost. When she shoots up in bed he’s already there, looking thoroughly caught off guard and shirtless, with a steaming cup of caf in his hand, loose sleeping pants hanging dangerously low on his hips. Rey turns over with a groan, trying to hide the flush of her face within the lumpy pillow on her cot. 

“Why does this keep happening?” She groans. Not that she doesn’t like it. She does. Maybe. But no, she really shouldn’t enjoy the fact that he can just show up in her consciousness like a ghost. Ben only huffs and sips from his mug, a holopad in his hand. 

“Why does what keep happening?” Finn’s voice floats through the doorway of the hut and he takes Rey’s apparent awake-ness as his invitation to enter, Poe right on his heels. Ben turns to look at the door, eyes wide. He can see them. They obviously don’t see him though, since neither of them have said anything past walking in and trailing snow through the door. Rey shivers and glares at the two men. 

“Nothing,” Rey says quickly, pulling her blanket up to cover more of her body upon instinct. “What’s wrong?” Across the room, Ben lifts his cup back to his mouth, lips seeming somehow obscenely full against the black ceramic. The mildly annoyed look on his face tells Rey that he’s bothered by the fact that he can’t seem to get out of their connection, especially now that Poe and Finn have entered the equation. 

_I wish you’d put a shirt on._

“Is it offending you?” Ben says suddenly, and Rey snaps her eyes from him to Poe and Finn, who don’t seem to have heard her. 

“Wait,” She hisses, and Finn stops talking, raising a dark eyebrow at her. 

“Wait what?” Finn asks, looking from her to Poe in confusion. 

“What?” Rey asks, her head in shambles. “Wait, what did you need me for?” She forces the question out of her teeth towards Finn and Poe, trying to ignore the looming figure of the man in the corner of her room. 

“We just told you. Ship repair. We need everything in working condition, especially to get off this stupid planet. At the very least we need the Falcon, and apparently, a few kids found a stash of _very, very_ old X-Wings under the base through one of the tunnels. Need help getting them up and running again,” Poe states, nudging a log in the fire to get it blazing up again. Rey nods absently, still acutely aware of Ben’s presence in the hut. 

“Yeah, okay, I’ll meet you there.” She tells them, attempting a smile while thoughts continue to whirl around in her head. During their connections on the island, Luke was never in clear sight when Ben was there. Now, it’s as if all three of them are alive in the room, Ben as real as Poe and Finn. Finally, the two men walk out and Rey is left still feeling oddly stunned. Ben only stares at her. 

“How,” Rey breathes, forcing herself out of bed to jam a brush through her hair. “How did you hear that?” 

“Hear what?” Ben asks, continuing to sip from his cup in an infuriatingly calm way. 

“Hear me tell you to,” Rey huffs. “Hear me tell you to put a shirt on. I never said it out loud.” 

“I don’t know,” He says quietly, and Rey finds herself believing him. “I heard it as clear as if you had said it out loud,” How could the connection possibly allow him to hear her thoughts? Rey is all at once amazed, and utterly terrified. 

“You need to figure out why this is still happening, and how to stop it.” She demands, tossing another piece of wood into the fire to try to stop the shivering. 

“It should have stopped when Snoke died,” Ben snaps. 

“Yes, but you said yourself that he was just taking credit for it. So, you need to figure it out.” 

“Why do I need to figure it out? I have other things to do,” He tells her, and turns away wherever he is and begins to pull on a tunic. His back is marred with scars like the one now on Rey’s arm. Just like the one she inflicted on his face. 

“Still trying to take over the galaxy?” Rey hisses, and Ben stops moving, his back going rigid with tension and anger.

“You’re right,” He begins slowly. “We do need to break this.” He’s right, but Rey can’t help the little pang of hurt that goes through her heart when he says it. 

“Fine, then go away.” Ben turns to stare at her, his dark eyes quiet, for once. 

“Goodbye for now, Rey,” It sounds more like a threat than a goodbye, but before she can respond, he’s gone again. He seems to be the only one capable of severing the connection. Either that, or Rey is not trying hard enough. She’s not sure she wants to. 

Poe’s “X-Wings” were ancient and dustier than those ridiculous ships they found on Crait. They barely count as functioning ships. They’d been rusted in the cold, practically frozen shut when they went to work on them. Only three of the five found were even remotely salvageable. And after a long day of that, all Rey can think about is lying down in front of the fire and sleeping. And she plans to do just that, dragging the thin down from the bedframe and pulling her coverings along with it right over to the fire. She’s barely kicked off her shoes and unwrapped the arm bands before falling into blissful sleep. 

The bliss doesn’t last very long. In her head, she’s dreaming, and waking not in the bed she had fallen asleep in. Rey is in another bed, much larger and much warmer. Practically delirious with the warmth and the strange comfort of wherever it is she may be, she turns slowly onto her side to see a window showing endless space. And a man standing in front of that window, hands behind his back. A familiar posture.

“Am I dreaming?” Rey asks, and Ben, from the window, shakes his head. 

“I don’t know, I can’t tell,” He sounds tired – upset, even. Rey sits up in the bed to find that she can smell _him_ again, the soft smell of metal and clean linens, and the faint warm scent of wood. It’s as if they’re standing next to each other in that elevator again, begging him not to turn her over to Snoke. 

“We’re both in the same place,” Rey speaks quietly, not daring to disturb the quiet, if not cold, peace of the room. “I’ve never been able to see your surroundings before, it must be a dream,” She continues, and can hear when Ben sighs, his shoulders moving with the drop of breath. 

“Rey,” He whispers. “Stop,” It’s not a command, it’s more of a plea. “You told me to break the connection but I don’t know how, especially now. I can’t tell if this is a dream of a vision, if you can alter it or if I can – none of this makes sense.” There’s silence for a moment, Rey’s head running over and over his words. No, none of it makes any sense at all. It’s making her question her very sanity. Ben walks over quietly, running a hand through his curls as he makes his way over to where she’s sitting up in the bed, covers clutched to her body, barer than she really likes it. He sits down on the edge of the mattress nearby, looking more worn than ever. 

“Ben,” Rey whispers. 

“Stop calling me that!” He says suddenly, his low voice splitting through the quiet of the night in a violent way. He sees the way his voice has made Rey start with a jump, because his expression softens ever so slightly. When did this dream begin? Has she been here in the bed, asleep, while he looks on? Or at one point in one of their minds, were they both here? Together? Are they doing this together?

Slowly, Rey reaches out a hand to test the waters, to see if he’ll meet her in the middle. He’s shirtless again. The closer in proximity she gets to his skin, the more the bond hums in the air. Ben watches with weary eyes, as if waiting for a trap, ready to run if she gets too close like a wounded animal. After a moment, Rey realizes that he’s not going to reach back out to her, so instead, she shifts and places her fingertips on the scar on his collarbone, the one that reaches up to his face. They one she gave him.

Unlike back on the island, touching him doesn’t flood Rey’s mind with a flashing image of a future or vague lights. No, it shows something else entirely. It shows longing, lust, passion, need. It shows what his intensity could be when channeled in another way. There are images like scattered memories she might have, but she’s not quite sure – it’s hazy, like a very vague dream. When Ben reaches his hand up to place it over Rey’s, his serenity comes pouring out like a flood over her. The connection feels so raw, so frightening that with a gasp Rey pulls her hand away from the assault of images. It’s impossible to differentiate between asleep and awake in this state, and it’s even less clear what’s real and what’s not. Choking back a frustrated sob, Rey is torn between reaching back out to him or turning away completely when Ben gets up abruptly, body poised to begin pacing again. 

“What was that, Ben? What is this? Was it you doing that?” Rey pleads to know, sliding out from under the covers to force him to look at her when she walks right in front of him, blocking his way. He keeps his eyes tilted up. “Snoke is gone – he can’t be manipulating this, so tell me what is going on.” She hisses, grabbing onto his arm to get his attention, but it’s a futile move, because another assault of images comes, these ones clearer than the last. No longer like the haze of memory, but moments concocted in the mind of a man who craves something, _someone._ Rey. 

_The rain._

_The ocean._

_Warmth._

_Skin._

_Hands pulling hair, bodies brushing._

_Something like happiness._

“Stop!” Ben hisses, pushing her hand from him with a force that sends her whole body staggering backward. 

“What was that?” Rey shouts, head fuzzy with the connection. Ben only looks at her as if he’s guilty of something. 

“I don’t,” He sighs, running a hand over his face. “I don’t know. They were, it was me. It was, dreams.” He seems to struggle with finding the right words. 

“Dreams? You dream of me?” Her voice barely makes it through her stuttering lips. 

“Yes, Rey,” Ben growls, hands balled up into fists at his sides. “Since you left I have only dreamt of you. You will not leave my head, awake or asleep.” He’s angry. With himself or her, no one can be sure. 

“Is this a dream? Is it you?” She asks, and Ben looks up at with something akin to exasperation.

“I told you – I don’t know what this is,” His low voice sends a shiver down Rey’s spine. “Wake up and I’ll be gone, if you’d rather that.” 

“I’d rather understand what’s going on,” Is her reply, but when she makes a move to step forward he steps back. Ben’s uncertainty comes off of him in waves, crashing into Rey like it’s her own feeling. “Be honest with me, Ben,” Rey pleads, her anger and confusion giving way to a longing to understand him, to understand _this._ He knows what’s going on far better than she, at least in this moment. 

“Honest?” He asks, as if unsure that if she may actually mean it. Rey nods. “Honest is,” He begins. “I have never felt a desire in my life like the desire I feel for you.” 

“You desire to have me rule the galaxy with you,” She snaps, but as soon as it comes out she regrets the tone. He’s been honest, like she asked, and yet again she hasn’t given him a chance to explain before lashing out. 

“No, Rey,” Ben states, looking up at her in desperation. 

“That is what you want, isn’t it?” Rey questions, crossing her arms over her chest in an attempt, maybe, to stop her heart from beating so hard or to give herself a little bit more modesty in this flimsy black nightgown she’s found herself in. This _must_ be his dream. 

“I don’t know what I want. All I know is that I want you,” Ben states, his eyes pleading, just like they had when he asked her to join him, to be by his side. 

“Liar,” Rey hisses. “You know exactly what you want. You want me to join you, but I won’t, Ben. I can’t,” Abruptly, Ben takes a long stride forward and grabs Rey by the wrist, pulling her close into his chest.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me again that I’m a liar,” He demands, his arms moving so quickly that girl can barely comprehend that one large bicep has wrapped completely around her small frame and his other hand holds her chin, forcing their eyes to meet. He’s so close that the cool brush of his breath fans across her face. In our close proximity, Rey can see the small freckles that dot his nose and that his body is _so warm_ against hers. The closeness is utterly dizzying. 

“Say it,” He hisses, quieter this time. How many times has he asked her that? “Tell me right now that you don't want me, that you will never want me. Lie to me, Rey. I dare you,” His lips are so close to the shell of her ear, so close to her skin, that her body is wracked with a violent shudder, giving her away. When a whimper escapes her lips and his emotions are projected out like a blast, confusion and fear and longing and _lust_. Rey slams her eyes shut tight. 

“You’re a dream,” She whispers. 

Rey wakes with a start, breathing like she’s just come out of the water and can’t seem to gasp in enough air. The hut is dark, lit only by the slowly waning fire. It’s a slow few minutes before her breath really returns and she gets her bearings, reaching out to poke around the wood with the stick until it’s glowing again, but even its’ heat doesn’t stop her body from shaking or her eyes from filling with traitorous tears. His smell surrounds her. She can still feel him. Hear him. 

Rey’s voice breaks through her throat in a sob and the tears come more steadily as she yanks a blanket up and curls in on herself, unsure of who, or what, she’s crying for. Confusion, frustration, Ben, herself – the list seems endless. Even in the dim light, against the uncomfortable cot, sleep doesn’t come until her body has drained itself of tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, another one down. 
> 
> Comment. Like. I don't know, let me know you're there. 
> 
> How's your wine?


	3. Collision

Leia sends Rey back to her room after she almost falls asleep with a multi-tool in hand, her head against her obnoxiously tired arm on the side of an X-Wing. Sleep evades Rey’s body though, and she’s not entirely sure she’s keen on returning to a place where she has zero percent control over her dreams, thoughts, or body, So instead of lying back down on her dirty, lumpy mattress, she plops down in front of the fire with a blanket wrapped around her body, hands shaking with cold and sleep deprivation. With a sigh, she begins to take apart Luke’s severed lightsaber piece by piece to see if maybe there’s a chance of salvaging it with a box of cultivated scraps from around the base. 

“That’s the lightsaber I used during training, you know,” Ben’s voice seems to come out of thin air, even the hum of the bond not really there this time. Rey jumps and nearly throws the damn thing into the fire. 

“I’d say sorry for breaking it, but you did that, too.” She states, regaining balance and taking the broken pieces back in hand with a new resolve. Damn him, she thinks, if he believes she’s going to sit here and fuck this up while he watches. 

“Be careful taking the crystal out,” Ben says, his voice straining in an odd way. 

“Is the crystal real?” Rey asks, turning the piece that holds the crystal in it. 

“Yes, it’s real.” He states. “Stop glaring at the thing. It won’t fix itself,” Ben tells her. 

“I’m not glaring! Are you going to help me or just stand there and criticize?” Rey hisses, twisting her head to look at him. Surprisingly, Ben has given up leaning against the wall and instead has sat down on the floor next to her, far enough away that they won’t be at risk of accidentally brushing touching, but his warmth is a palpable feeling nearby. 

“Visualize what you want it to look like. It’s an extension of you, fighting it won’t work,” Ben tells her, eyes closed and pushing into her mind in an attempt to help. He’s got his arms draped casually over his knees, breathing in through his nose. Mirroring him, Rey closes her eyes and breathes. 

She focuses first on taking the thing apart, until it’s scrambled in pieces before for, and she’s able to look at it with clear eyes to decide the best course of action. 

“Stop thinking so much about it. Pick up the pieces – they’ll come together,” Ben tells her, and with a sigh, Rey begins to follow the instructions that he’s passing through her mind. Picking up the humming crystal in her hands, the Force flares to life inside her body for what feels like the first time since Crait when she moved the rocks. After a time, Rey feels her forehead begin to break out in sweat, her fingers beginning to cramp a little from the consistent handiwork. She makes a quick swipe at her tired eyes, shaking her hair back out against her back with a sigh. 

“Almost there,” Ben says quietly, weaving into her conscious with a soothing tone. Rey’s lips tug in a little smirk as she fits the metal back over the crystal and uses a multi-tool to heat the metal back into place. With Ben’s eyes on her, Rey stands and presses the button. The dual-edged saber hums to life in her hands. Tears in her eyes, Rey’s heart hammers in her chest, and the beautiful blue crystal glows through the metal, extending nearly the length of her body. It’s the most wonderful thing she’s ever made, she’s sure of it. 

“I hope the crystal serves you well,” Ben’s voice rings out into the quiet, but when Rey turns to look, he’s gone. 

If Ben remembers that strange dream, or was even a part of it in the first place, he doesn’t say anything. Since he was there in the hut while Rey rebuilt the lightsaber, their connection has been quiet for a week. It’s the longest they’ve gone without appearing in front of each other, but like a spark, it’s back again. 

Rey is rounding the corning in the Falcon when the scenery changes, and instead of the padded white walls of Han’s ship, the walls around her are stark black and shiny, the inside of a First Order ship. The two places seem to blend together, light against dark, and Rey stumbles forward a little. Ben stands, speaking to the redheaded man, but his eyes snap to hers when the connection zips into place. They can see each other’s surroundings. 

“No,” Rey breathes. “No, no, no.” With another stumble, Rey backs right up into something solid.

“Rey?” Poe asks, catching her as she trips. “Are you alright?” He asks, a hand warm on her arm to steady her rocking body. Poe’s smile is bright and slightly lopsided when she glances up, but when she turns to look for Ben, he and the First Order ship are gone, and back in its place is the warn interior of the Falcon. 

“Yeah, just got a little dizzy, is all,” Rey tells him, but he doesn’t look really convinced. 

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” Poe states, looking up to where Ben had been standing moments ago. When he finally leaves, after Rey convinces him that _yes, Poe, I’m really okay. Really._ he finally backs away and leaves her to make her way to the back of the ship, dropping down onto the lower deck to continue repairs on the landing module control panel. There are footsteps coming down the hall, and the static in the air tells all. When Rey rounds the corner again, Ben is walking towards her with his head down, looking deep in thought. Behind him, is the First Order ships once again. He only stops when he seems to notice that the ground has changed color. His eyes flicker up to Rey; to say he looks exhausted would be a cruel understatement. The bags under his eyes look even more severe than usual. Rey considers ignoring him and continuing to walk past him, but she’s not so certain she won’t somehow appear in whatever place he is rather than continuing on in the Falcon. 

“It wants something from us,” Ben says abruptly, quietly, his sensual, low voice reaching Rey’s ears. “The Force.”

“What could it possibly want?” Rey questions, backtracking to shut the door behind her. “And what is causing it to get stronger? We can see each other, where we are now,” 

“Balance,” Ben states, as if that’s supposed to answer all of the million questions Rey is still pondering. 

“No, there’s no balance, and who’s fault is that?” She hisses, crossing her skinny arms across her chest in an attempt not to feel so put on display in front of him, because of the tangling emotions she’s feeling. For a moment, Ben looks as though he’s going to shush her and his eyes go dark, but without saying a word he steps forward and grabs her arm, opening a door that’s appeared to the right and pulling her inside. A supply closet?

“Reconsider,” Ben begins, and Rey has to take a deep breath to steady herself at this close of a proximity. His body must be made of brick, because he’s steady and strong against her with his arm wrapped a little bit around her. Just like in the dream. “If a balance is what is supposed to happen here, then we have to make it, Rey. Join me,” 

“No! I cannot join you the way you want me to. I can’t be what you want from me,” Rey nearly shouts at him. How dare he bring this up again. 

“And I can’t be what you want me to be, so it seems we’re at an impasse,” Ben snaps, his grip on her hip almost bruising. 

“Come home, Ben,” Rey says quietly, and until it slips out from her mouth she hadn’t quite realized how much she wants exactly that. For him to come back to his mother, to come back to where he should be. For a moment, his steely gaze falters and he drops his eyes closed with a sigh. 

“I want more than anything to be with you,” The confession should shock her, but it doesn’t. At least, not as much as it should. 

“Then come to me,” Rey begs, taking Ben’s hands in her small ones and pulling them close to her heart. He seems to think about it for a moment, but resolve crosses his features and he pulls his hands from hers in an abrupt movement, the darkness returning to his eyes. 

“I can’t,” He hisses, and walks out of the door, leaving her in a foreign place. The world begins to hum back to life and when she follows her out, she’s inside the Falcon once more, and there’s no trace of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, another shortish one! But we're getting into the good stuff I swear...
> 
> Are you done the bottle of wine yet? I am. Ha.


	4. Don't Blame Me

There’s talk of moving yet again, now that the Falcon is repaired and refueled and a number of Leia’s allies have flown in to assist, bringing parts and fuel and an extra passenger ship. She and Poe and the Admiral argue about where to go, throwing out names of planets that Rey has never heard before. Anything to get out of this cold. 

They decide on a planet called Naboo, the one that Leia’s mother grew up on and came to rule over as Queen before she became Senator. There’s a starry, longing look in Leia’s eyes as she speaks about it. Rey knows what it’s like to crave a mother. 

Lying by the fire the night before they’re slated to leave, tears escape Rey’s eyes, which seems to happen more than usual, lately. And when the sharp pull of the connection surrounds the room, Rey’s tears only come quicker, the Force flaming around her like the fire licking her face.

“Rey!” Ben whispers frantically, shuffling from behind her and Rey slams her eyes shut against the tears. 

“No,” She pleads softly. “Stop doing this to me. Stop,” Rey clenches her fingers in her threadbare blanket, holding back a sob. 

“Rey,” Ben’s voice is gentler now, and she can feel his warmth even through her jacket. He must be lying down, she presumes, as he slides closer still and runs his fingertips over her arms, a ghosting touch that makes her shiver. Her body longs to move closer to him, to seek his warmth where she knows it will be, right against his chest. She wants to press herself there and let him hold her, to feel his strong arms around her small frame and his lips on her neck and – 

But her heart breaks. 

 

“Rey, please,” Ben begs, the low lilt of his voice like a lullaby. Steeling herself with a deep breath and freezing limbs, Rey turns to face him and finds him _so close_ , no shirt, his hand with a palm tilted up as if he wants her to take it. The room behind him has changed, and the dark walls and a dark blanket and his head up on a soft pillow are visible and look almost as inviting as him. The fire from behind Rey dances shadows across his face. 

“You can see where I am,” She says, half a question, half an observation. He nods just slightly.

“I can see the fire. And that poor excuse for a blanket,” Ben states, abruptly moving to drape his own blanket around both of them. Rey jumps at the feeling of his closeness, but she can’t deny that she immediately feels warmer. 

“How is this happening,” She asks quietly, tears pricking again in her eyes. If he can see her and she can see him, this only means everything has gotten far more dangerous. If he appears at the wrong time, he could see where the Resistance has gone. And Rey can’t find it in herself to put trust in him not to come after what’s left of them. She closes her eyes because it’s nearly impossible to stand the sight of his, so intense and full of something there is no name for. The silence, save for the soft crackle of the fire, consumes them. He can stay if that’s what he wants. Rey is not inclined to engage him or even acknowledge his presence much after that, but when he maneuvers his arms around her and pulls her close, she can’t exactly find the will to protest. Especially since she’s warmer than she’s been in what must be weeks. His body shields her own, and it’s like having a warm fire all around. He smells like clean linen and peppermint. And the skin of his chest is so soft where he leads her to rest her head, right near his heartbeat. 

Heartbeat.  
_The rain._  
_The ocean._  
_Warmth._  
_Skin._  
_His mouth on hers._

Sleep floods over Rey, and she welcomes it. But in the morning, he’s gone. 

 

Upon arriving in Naboo, the Resistance is greeted by a party of men and women. 

“Welcome, Princess Leia,” One woman greets, her face made up in white powder and red lipstick, dressed in the finest gown that Rey has ever chanced to see. 

“Please, just Leia,” The General says, seeming to be the only one at ease in the group of twenty of them, especially with Poe, whose hand is perpetually rested on his blaster. Rey stays behind the group, walking slowly behind Finn and Rose, who are holding hands. It makes her heart hurt a little bit. They’re precious together, really, but Rey wants nothing more than to have that. To have someone to love like that. Like family. A family who loves her back. 

And she almost had it. Almost. 

Rey thinks back to the other night, lying in front of the fire with Ben’s arms wrapped around her as if they’ve known each other forever, as if they’re _lovers_. In her dreams, they are. 

“The Queen is off-world at the moment but has instructed us to bring you to your rooms in the Palace. She would like you to know that any comfort you may require, we are prepared to assist with.” The same woman with the red lips speaks as they walk, her gown swaying funnily against the ground. Rey catches up to Leia. 

“Queen?” Rey asks, looking to the General who, for the first time in weeks, doesn’t look quite as weary as usual. 

“A friend of the family,” Leia states, giving Rey a small smile, but says nothing else as they make their way up to the doors of Theed palace. It’s the most glorious thing Rey has ever seen. Something so grand, she could never have even concocted it in her dreams. The green top of the palace seems to blend perfectly with the backdrop of the blue sky, and the white pillars are snaked with golden vines. 

“Pretty, ain’t it?” Poe intones dryly, sidling up next to Rey as if he’s weary of her being spooked easily or something. She only nods. “The Queen was actually a good friend back in the day – she and my sister were close.” Rey raises an eyebrow. 

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” She inquires, glancing at Poe out of the corner of her eye to see his brow furrowed. 

“Yeah, had. She died a few years back,” Poe says quickly, coughing a little as if to cover the crack in his voice. “Anyway, Elissa was with the Resistance for a while, and she’s been a big help. Hence why she’s ready to give up her castle to a bunch of ragtag soldiers,” Poe tells Rey, that charming smile returning to his face. Rey nods and tries to smile back at him, but her mind is stuck elsewhere as they make their way into the palace. Leia disappears before Rey can even blink, and soon she’s being led to a room near Poe and Finn and Rose, and the door is shut behind her, leaving her standing like a statue in the middle of a place too beautiful for her comfort. 

Turning, Rey considers going right back out into the hallway and insisting that she can room with Jessika or another Resistance member, there’s no way all this could be just for her. But before she can really make up her mind, she catches sight of the sonic shower in the ‘fresher. Moving further through the room, Rey realizes not only is there an entire sonic shower, but a huge _bath_ , and not like the tub she used to use to bathe on Jakku. No, this bath looks like a lake inside stone walls. The water inside is steaming as if it’s been filled for her recently. And what’s better is that Rey can see the _real_ lake on the planet, because it seems to lead right out onto the balcony, as if it’s stretching to infinity. But as inviting as it looks, Rey doesn’t feel she can let herself jump right in. Thoughts of giving all of this up aside, Rey decides to first head for the shower, pressing the screen gently and watching as the water comes roaring to life, its’ spray hitting her face. She has to suppress a delighted giggle at the feeling. 

Stripping off her clothing, Rey steps inside the warm water, letting it hit her from all sides and wash away the cold and dirt and grime that has accumulated over the past few weeks. No amount of scrubbing at her body could seem to wash away the feeling that lingered on her skin while the Resistance was stuck on the ice planet. But here, Rey feels everything wash away, including her sadness, if only for a moment. 

When she’s scrubbed her body raw and smooth, she steps out and makes right for the still-steaming bath. It’s hot on her skin and smells faintly like flowers. Padding down the steps carefully, Rey wades waist deep into the warmth, eyes closed at the feeling, her soul seeming to calm along with the slowing ripples of the water. She’s never felt this sort of luxury, and the thought of getting used to it seems wrong, but she can’t deny the comfort of it is the most wonderful thing she’s ever felt.

Lost in her own thoughtless head, Rey never registers that the bond has opened while she’s got her palms face down in the water, floating lightly.

“Argh – Rey!” Ben’s voice slices through her serenity and Rey turns on instinct to see him kicking his legs. “Why am I in water? What are you –“ His sentence is stopped short when Rey turns to look at him, color flushing his face. Rey quickly realizes that she’s naked, standing in front of him, and buckles her knees under the water to sink down until only her head is visible. Damn it. Her discomfort must be palpable, because Ben shuts his eyes and runs a hand through his hair, looking utterly frazzled. 

“Could you maybe not do this right now?” Rey squeaks out, hands coming up to cover her breasts even though she’s submerged in water. Ben only huffs. 

“Where in the hell are you? I know there are no Resistance bases that look like _this_.” Ben states, and Rey scoffs at him. 

“I’m not telling you. Nice try,” She says, turning back around and slowly swimming her way to the other end of the pool to look out at the lake. There’s quiet for a moment, and then from behind her Rey can hear splashing and water rippling slightly, and what sounds like fabric hitting the floor. Before she knows it, Ben has appeared next to her, equally as naked, and leans over the edge of the pool to mimic her view. He can see it. 

“I know where you are,” He says quietly. And for a long moment, Rey _seriously_ considers knocking him the fuck out. Somehow. Really, she’s going to knock him out. But there’s a look in his eyes that’s passive, calm. 

“You don’t know for sure,” Rey says quietly. There must be hundreds of planets that look like this one, with lakes like this. 

“No, I definitely know. You’re on Naboo, in Theed Palace. Poe and his sister weren’t the only ones close with Queen Elissa,” Ben states, and to her surprise, Rey can feel a twinge of jealousy flare up inside her tummy. Glancing sideways at him, Rey sees that in the dimming light of the planet’s sun, the scars on Ben’s back and chest seem to glow white. She can see the bowcaster wound that Chewie inflicted the night Ben had killed his father, the tendrils of the wound seeming to mimic veins against his skin. 

Ben sees her looking and glances down, reaching out a hand to brush a stray piece of hair away from Rey’s face, and still submerged in the water, she shivers despite the warmth. 

“I’m not going to come after you,” Ben says finally, as if he’s suddenly come to this realization just now. 

“What?” Rey sputters, standing despite her better judgment to get a better look at his face. He looks sincere. 

“You, the Resistance – I’m not coming after you. So, relax,” He tells her, looking almost solemn as he stares out onto the lake. 

“But why?” Rey questions. Maybe she shouldn’t bother to ask, but it’s gnawing at her. Why wouldn’t he make a move? Now that he knows where they are, that there are so few of them left? Wouldn’t now be a perfect time?

“Because you’re on Naboo, which under Queen Elissa’s rule is a very peaceful planet, as well as the Galactic Senate’s temporary headquarters while renovations occur on Coruscant. It would not be a wise move,” Ben states, glancing sideways at Rey as she continues to stare at him. His eyes are so dark, his lips so full, and his voice so deep that Rey finds herself longing to fold back up into his arms and kiss him, like in her dreams. 

It’s perhaps one of the most civil conversations they’ve had to date – one that includes actual talking instead of sulking or snipping. Rey nods her head a little at him, crossing her arms over her chest as she once again becomes aware of her idiotic move to stand up naked in the water. Ben, in his own impulsive move, reaches out a hand slowly to drag his fingertips down Rey’s arm, floating down the exposed skin of her side. She jumps back quickly, breath coming in a short gasp at the sudden, tantalizing touch of his fingertips. His fingers curl back up into a fist as if he’s folding back in on himself after realizing what he’s done. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben says tersely, turning back to the lake with a straight spine and rigid muscles. Rey’s body _hums_ from the soft brush of his hand, her blood singing in her veins and their bond seeming to pulse in the air around them. 

_Touch me again._ Rey thinks. 

And Ben’s eyes snap over to meet hers. 

_I want to. May I?_ His response is instantaneous, eyes wide with something like hope. 

Rey nods. 

With a breath of resolve, Ben reaches back out with a slightly shaking hand and places his fingertips on her cheek, drawing her closer. Closer still. 

Close enough that Rey thinks they might actually be breathing in each other’s air. 

Ben’s hand slips down her spine and their lips meet. 

And their bond _sings. Sighs. Whines with need._

The kiss is over all too soon and Rey reaches up, fisting her hands into his dark, soft waves and pulling him right back to where he had been a moment ago. 

_“Rey,”_ Ben’s guttural breath of her name sends a new kind of need spiking through her veins. 

“Rey? Rey! Are you there?” Finn’s voice and knock on the door is the only thing that pulls them apart, and suddenly Ben is gone before she can blink. And her body is freezing without his against it. 

With shaking hands and frazzled nerves, Rey wades her way out of the pool. 

“One second! Coming!” She calls, stooping down to pick up a towel when she spies something dark on the floor.

Ben’s shirt. 

Without thinking, she slips the soft material over her naked body, the worn fabric teasing her heated skin and her head spinning with the scent of him that lingers. 

“Come on! Dinner’s ready!” Finn shouts, and Rey barely has a moment to collect herself before Rose and Jessika have already burst in to drag her away. 

_That looks good on you._

Rose and Jessika don’t seem to notice when Rey gasps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homies. 
> 
> You're being so awesome. Continue to comment and bookmark and subscribe and breathe life into me as I die writing this (cause I'm really dying ya'll). 
> 
> We're chugging along (and ya girl is chugging wine hope you are too!!!!).


	5. Give Me Love

_You come from nothing._

Rey tosses and turns in her bed, despite how comfortable the mattress may be and how lovely the sheets are and how _warm_ she is. 

In the dream, her parents are leaving again. Or at least, she thinks they are. She remembers lying awake in the middle of the night, the moons of Jakku making the sand outside her makeshift door glow white. In her dreams they’re fuzzy, a woman with dark hair like hers and a man with a little bit of scruff, wiping drink away from his mouth before he kisses her forehead goodnight. 

Gasping out of her dream, Rey sits straight up and almost screams at the sight of something, or rather, _someone_ in her bed, a mass of milky white skin and dark as night hair, flopping over the pillow next to her. 

Rey yanks her blanket further up her body, acutely aware that she is _once again naked,_ because she had falsely assumed she would be left alone in the safety of this room. She really needs to stop doing that. 

As quietly as possible, Rey slips out of bed and slides on a tunic before turning to once again look at the sleeping form in her bed. Ben’s chest rises and falls softly, and he looks younger and more peaceful in his sleep than Rey has ever seen him look. She can imagine the boy he may have been before he left Luke’s schooling. 

“Rey,” He sighs in his sleep and Rey jumps a little, shaking her head. Rey’s body feels like she’s stepped into a fire, so she heads out onto the balcony to take a few deep breaths. The dewy air feels nice on her inflamed skin, effectively giving her a few moments of peace. It’s short-lived though, as usual, because she hears Ben shuffling quietly behind her to appear in her line of vision, looking sleepy and a little bit _(adorably)_ disheveled. 

“I’m sorry if I woke you,” Ben says quietly, mimicking Rey’s lean over the balcony. This is strange – Rey has never woken up next to another person, or _slept_ next to anyone, except for him. Lying to herself now will do her no good, so Rey resigns to keeping those moments close to her heart and never letting on that she enjoys them. 

“You didn’t,” Rey breathes out, feeling tears prick in her eyes out of frustration. Without warning, Ben reaches out and gathers her in her arms, but his mind is quiet when she tries to look into it. 

“Stop that,” Ben hisses, but never let’s go of her where he’s got his arms wrapped around her body. Rey doesn’t listen and keeps probing at his mind, causing a headache to flutter up into her brain but she can’t stop. She needs to see more of those images that he’s concocted up in his mind about her. Perhaps it’s self-indulgent, but who really cares? Not Rey. 

Following Ben’s gaze, she glances out onto the lake and the black night sky, littered with stars. 

She wishes those dreams were clearer, that she could see what he sees when he closes his eyes at night and dreams of her, as strange as that whole concept may still be. 

Abruptly, Ben unwinds his arms from around Rey and crosses them behind his back, a picturesque statue once more. It feels like forever since Rey had seen him standing with his back to her like this, only the second time their bond opened, staring out onto the hangar of his ship. He’d looked menacing then. But here, now, in the dewy air covered by a dark purple sky, Rey can only see a young man who is so frighteningly human, who wants many of the same things she wants. 

“Have you met the Queen yet?” Ben asks, and it dawns on Rey that he’s actually trying to make conversation, presumably since their connection won’t go away until it decides it wants to. 

“Not yet,” Rey replies, crossing her arms around herself against the breeze that’s picked up from the lake. Ben hums a little bit, unclasping his hands from behind him to run his fingertips along the marble rail in front of them. 

“How does my mother plan to continue a Rebellion with approximately _one_ good fighter? And no ships?” Ben questions, finally turning to look at Rey with dark eyes, prying for information both out loud, and in her head. 

“Stop it. You know I’m not going to tell you anything, so just leave it,” Rey spits, a familiar feeling of anger boiling through her blood. 

“Rey, there are what, fifteen of you left? I just want to know if this, going to Naboo, is my mother’s attempt at a ceasefire,” Ben asks, taking a single step closer to Rey, his head tilted down to see her face better. 

“I’m not part of her council, so I can’t answer any of your questions, even if I wanted to. You said you wouldn’t attack us,” Rey growls at him, poking at his sturdy chest with a thin finger. Ben _rolls his eyes._

“I’m not going to attack you, I told you that already. I just want to know what’s going through my mother’s head,” Ben states. 

“If you weren’t such an ass, maybe you could come here and ask her,” Rey retorts, knowing the moment that it’s out of her mouth she should have kept it in. Ben’s eyes darken further, his eyebrows furrowing in anger. Rey gulps, but stands her ground against him. 

“You,” Ben begins. “Are an impossible woman, Rey. You’re impulsive, rash, and completely _infuriating.”_ He hisses. 

“You didn’t seem to think I was so _infuriating_ when you had your mouth all over mine.” Rey snaps back, on the defense now that he’s gone and started insulting her. 

“You’re a child,” Ben spits. 

“And you’re a self-righteous prick!” Rey flails, turning on her heel away from him and starting back inside, intent on shutting the balcony door to keep him out, if only for a second. He doesn’t give her that option, however, because he’s hot on her heels the moment she turns away. Rey considers summoning her saber over but then realizes that that would just make him _right._ That would be impulsive and rash, to go for a weapon when there’s no real threat or wound, other than her hurt feelings. 

When Ben catches her wrist Rey tries to yank it back, but he’s stronger and suddenly has her twisted back around and up against his chest while she continues to struggle against him. 

“Would you _stop it, Rey.”_ Ben breathes, and when Rey finally stops for a moment, she realizes he’s trying to show her something. He’s letting her into his head. 

_Two bodies curved together on a narrow bunk, Ben’s long fingers tracing the notches of Rey’s spine as they lie together, naked and entwined. Bodies spent as if a fight has just been won, but it’s far more satisfying to feel this way._

_Nights of long, peaceful sleep in the arms of each other – and nights of little sleep at all._

_Lust and passion and everything that Rey shouldn’t want, that he doesn’t let himself be frightened of the way she is. When his hands dip into every crack in her armor, against the curve of her waist, he’s found her weak points. Her soft spots._

_“Do you want me?” He asks. He’d want her to say it out loud. Wants to hear the words and his name fall from Rey’s lips as she begs for more of his touch._

Rey yanks herself away from him, frightened of her own emotion heightening within her body. Shaking her head, she puts as much distance between herself and the man in front of her. 

“I don’t want you,” Her voice breaks over the words, giving her away. 

“You’re a bad liar, Rey,” Ben says quietly, the calm has since returned to his face. “Come and meet me. Say that to my face,” He states, taking her chin gently in his hand. 

“Come and meet you?” Rey squeaks out, glancing around the room as if expecting someone to come out and catch her talking to her supposed-to-be enemy. 

“Yes,” Ben whispers. “Come to me.” 

 

Before she can truly comprehend it, Rey has stuck her feet into boots and is making her way towards the hangar deck outside. Stomach twisting with nerves, she sidles up into a small personal transportation ship and ignites the engine before stopping, her hands on the controls.

She has no idea where the fuck she’s supposed to be going. 

As if on cue, Ben’s voice enters her conscious, effectively making her jump and almost send the ship flying backward. Can they speak without the bond really being open? 

_“East of where you are, there are canyons. Pick one, and I’ll find you.”_ Ben’s voice is as loud as if he were standing right next to Rey. With shaking hands, Rey lifts the ship from the ground and maneuvers it east, away from the palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're heating up here, ya'll! 
> 
> Excuse me while I go finish a bottle of Rose while you guys read and comment. 
> 
> (Thank you for the comments, they're making my life. PLEASE give me more! I need them to survive!)


	6. Icarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready MOTHERFUCKAAAAAS
> 
> Enjoy. 
> 
> By the way here's the sex.

Rey sits deep in the canyon, cross-legged in front of a rushing stream. The moons on Naboo are bright like her surroundings are quilted in a soft, milky glow. She drags her fingertips in the water, hoping the cool liquid will make her skin feel a little less inflamed. There were very few times she was sick as a child – her body has always been strong and resilient, but she does remember a terrible illness that swept around the outpost when she was about thirteen. It confined her to bed, with no rations for nearly three days, because it felt impossible to move. She had sweat, but not a sweat that comes with the sun. No, she was cold and hot at the same time, shivering underneath piles of blankets one moment and throwing them off and longing to douse herself in cold water the next. This is a feeling much like that one, though not a sickness. Rey figures that perhaps this is her body’s response to being so anxious, frightened, and intrigued at the same time. She decides she doesn’t like the feeling. 

When the sounds of a ship come from the south, Rey scrambles to her feet and edges her way back to her ship. What if this is a trap? What if it’s not just him? What if it’s an entire squadron of Stormtroopers, waiting to kidnap her? 

What has she done?

When the ship touches down into the canyon, Rey has one hand on her saber and her foot angled towards the ladder for a hasty escape. Once the ship is on the ground though, Rey’s breathes. He’s alone. She can feel it. 

The joy of knowing she’s not about to be captured or killed is fleeting though, because it’s replaced with the same anxiety she’s been experiencing since she walked out of her room and made the decision to come here. The door of the ship opens and Rey catches a glimpse of Ben, standing still with one hand upon the button. Rey’s not sure what happens next. Does she walk in? Wait for him to come to her? 

She decides to meet in the middle. Stepping tentatively away from her ship, Rey walks until she’s halfway between her escape route and Ben, who’s been watching her with thoughtful eyes the whole time. Finally, after what seems like forever, he steps out and makes his way down the ramp towards her. His cloak swishes on the ground and Rey finds that it’s far easier to watch the hem of it than to chance to look up into his eyes. He’s a mass of dark clothing and dark hair and dark eyes and far too tall standing in real life across from her, just like he had been in the lift, in the throne room. In the light of the moon, she can see the pale silver scar she inflicted on his face. 

“Why didn’t you get rid of it?” Rey asks quietly, and for a moment he looks confused. “The scar. You could’ve had them fix it,” She wants so badly to reach up and touch it. 

“I don’t get rid of my scars,” Ben tells her. “And, I like this one.” 

There’s a little flutter in her stomach that _definitely_ shouldn’t be there when she sees his lips quirk up just slightly at the corner of his mouth. It’s the most she’s ever seen him smile. 

“Why did you want me to come here, Ben?” Rey whispers, taking a soft step closer to him. Without warning, he’s reaching up and brushing a stray piece of hair away from her face, his fingertips, ungloved, fluttering against her jaw. 

“Because I want,” Ben sighs as if he’s not quite sure what it was he wanted. If she’s being honest, Rey doesn’t know what she wants, either. So, she stays quiet and patiently looks up at him, waiting for his mind to quiet so he can give her an answer. “You’re so beautiful,” He breathes. Rey is sure she’s flushing eighty shades of red. Pretty? Yes, that she’s been called, by disgusting men on Jakku, old and young alike, trying (and failing) to charm her into bed. _Pretty little girl,_ they’d call her. Beautiful? She’s never heard herself referred as such in her lifetime. 

She must look taken aback, because that twitch in Ben’s lips is back again as he stares at her, a hand reaching back to twirl a strand of her hair around his forefinger. Her breath catches in her throat, mostly because of their close proximity, but also because of the way he’s looking at her. 

Rey knows hunger, has seen it in all its forms. She’s seen the look in men and women’s eyes when their hunger for sustenance is raging, she’s seen the look that men and women give each other, and she’s seen that frightening look of hunger directed at her. She knows what that kind of hunger looks like, but the look in Ben’s eyes is not hunger. She knows desire and hunger can be different. And the look in Ben’s eyes?

That’s desire if she’s ever seen it. It’s _need._

Suddenly all she can think about is pressing her body back against his and claiming his lips with her own, losing herself entirely in him for even just a small amount of time. Because Rey knows how to give into hunger, but she’s never given into desire. This is not a matter of extra rations to stay alive. This is pleasure. 

Rey doesn’t give Ben the chance to say anything else before she’s reaching up on her tiptoes and kissing him. 

“Rey,” He whispers against her mouth, and her knees positively _weaken,_ her body crumbling against his as their lips search each other, finding the softest spots, the perfect pressure. He kisses like what Rey imagines music, if one could feel it in their body, would be like. A rolling crescendo, like thunder with all the fury of the lightning and the softness of still water. Her hands reach up to tangle in his hair, pulling a little and eliciting a delicious growl from his throat, one that goes all the way down her spine and makes heat pool in her stomach. Ben’s hands slip down over her back to cup her thighs, hoisting her into his arms and only unlocking their lips to walk them back to his ship. He sets her down but takes her hand, leading her back into the sleeping quarters where a bed, covered in black silk sheets and looking _so_ inviting, sits. 

Rey, not one to waste time when there is none, tugs at Ben’s cloak to throw it to the floor and eagerly pulls at his tunic to reveal that long expanse of muscle that she’s been aching to touch. His skin is smooth and warm, and she can feel his heartbeat hammering in his chest when she presses her palm over it. Ben tears at her own clothing, apparently as desperate to feel skin as she is. The sensation of skin on skin is as shocking as if cold air has suddenly swept through the room. His hands are wrapped up in Rey’s hair, his arms, his hands, and his mouth all over her, and she should feel disgusted. She should feel remorseful because she’s kissing the man who’s supposed to be her enemy, who has tried to destroy everything she loves. But instead she feels wicked, wicked need; an answer, since she first laid eyes on the sorrow-filled face of the man in front of her. 

_I can feel you taking pity on me. Don’t._ Ben thinks, the thought projected into Rey’s consciousness. 

_You’re wrong. It’s not pity. I take no pity on you or the things you’ve done._ Rey thinks, but she can’t stop kissing him. She can’t stop wanting him. She can’t stop needing him, despite everything he may have done. 

Abruptly there’s a long-fingered hand around Rey’s throat, not enough to bruise, but enough to close her airway just slightly and bring her back to earth. Rey’s eyes snap open to find Ben close to her, his eyes impossibly bright. 

“And yet, you want with all your heart to forgive me,” Ben says quietly, his thumb just under Rey’s chin, tilting her face up to look at him. 

“I don’t,” Rey stutters out, the words closing her throat. 

“You’re a bad liar,” Ben hisses, once again. Only this time, his arm sneaks around her waist to palm at her ass, gripping tightly. 

“And you consider yourself much better?” Rey questions, leaning in to bite his neck, relishing in the beautiful sound of his soft moan. Intent to leave the conversation at that, Rey brings her lips back up to his and they continue a push and pull, a back and forth, like a fight. He’s a naked flame against her, an exposed wire waiting on the wrong - or right, spark to catch it. 

Reaching between them, Rey begins grasping at the waistband of his trousers, her hands fumbling with the ties while his fumble with hers. With one swift movement, Ben yanks her pants down and picks her up again, dropping her back on the bed quite unceremoniously. Rey has ever felt so laid bare to someone before, both physically and emotionally, as he looks at her with soft eyes and red lips, panting from the force of their kisses. Rey likes him like this. Without warning, Ben begins to kiss down her chest, running his tongue in the ridges of her stomach while his hand runs gently over the soft skin of her inner thigh, a tantalizing and delicate feeling that makes her sigh. 

“Rey,” Ben breathes, pressing a soft kiss to her lower stomach. Rey rises onto her elbows to see him better, and one look at his eyes tell her exactly what he’s asking. With a little nod from Rey, Ben begins to hook his fingers into the waistband of her underwear and slowly pulls them down, revealing her to him. Then, Ben crawls back up her body with a devilish little smirk that Rey almost misses, because soon he’s leaning back down to kiss her and grinding his hips into hers, the rough fabric of his pants right against the spot where she wants him the most and she can’t help how loudly she moans. “You are better than any dream,” Ben whispers, and Rey can’t take it anymore. Can’t take his voice, his mouth, his gentle hands, without getting something more. 

“Touch me,” She growls, nails raking down his back. With a low chuckle, Ben yanks her hair where it’s twisted in his fingers, then slowly removes them in favor of feeling her skin prickle into goosebumps when he runs them down the center of her body. When he _finally, finally_ touches her, Rey shivers so violently it feels like her soul is leaving her body. His hands are warm and deft as they explore her, dipping up inside her heat and pressing a spot that leaves her completely breathless and moaning his name. 

_Do you like that?_ His question may have been out loud, it may just be in her head, but Rey can’t tell and doesn’t really care. 

“Again. Please. More,” She breathes out, her eyes fluttering closed at the pleasure that his hands on her brings, making her unable to form a coherent sentence. Her body seems to shatter into a million pieces, and good thing there’s nothing breakable within Rey’s grasp because otherwise, it would be in ruin on the floor. Sinking into the bed like a stone in water, Rey rides the high of her orgasm with a moan, her body shuddering, quaking. 

She can’t remember the last time she’s felt pleasure like this. Maybe never. 

Ben hardly gives her a chance to catch her breath before he’s kissing her again, both of them tearing at the waist of his trousers again in an attempt to really remove them this time, because Rey is completely intent on having him _inside her within the next minute or she’s going to explode._

In a fashion just like them, Ben gives her no warning when he pushes up inside her, stretching her to fit him with a delicious little prick of pain that courses through Rey’s body as she goes almost limp in his arms. Their moans mix together and she doesn’t think she’s ever heard a more beautiful, sensual sound. 

Ben sets a pace that’s slow, all-consuming, borne from a lifetime of waiting, it seems. Rey reaches a hand up to grip the iron headboard in her fingers, in a desperate attempt to keep herself grounded somehow as Ben rocks into her. It’s not often Rey feels so disconcerted or thrown, but in this moment, she can’t quite discern where she ends and Ben Solo begins, because their bodies mesh together as if they’re one soul. 

Ben Solo. Kylo Ren. Who is it she lies with right now, in this overly intimate moment? Pressed chest to chest and being kissed by a man who seems to be dying of thirst, her lips the only thing that can quench the ache. This can’t be Kylo Ren - _Kylo_ would never need anything, let alone anyone, in this way. But Ben Solo is another man entirely, and from what Rey has seen, he needs her like air. 

With gentle hands, Rey feels Ben maneuvering her legs to lead her to wrap them around his waist, forcing their bodies closer and him _deeper,_ though that doesn’t entirely seem possible. 

Kylo Ren is the man who wanted to take over the galaxy, who would crush it, if only it would fit in his palm. Whose biting remarks singe her skin like wounds. Kylo is never desperate, on the surface at least. Ben is the desperate one, desperate for the light, desperate for freedom. And Rey, trembling beneath him, is desperate too. 

Their hips meet in time to a silent song, a music that only they can hear as his hips roll against hers, Rey shivering despite the heat. 

“Rey, Gods, Rey. You are so beautiful,” Her name is so pretty said like that, with his lips pressed against hers that she can hear and feel him say it. “Come for me,” He whispers. It’s not quite a command, but Rey can’t say no anyway, especially when his hand snakes between their bodies and he flicks his thumb hard against the bundle of nerves at the crest of her sex. Rey loses all conscious thought, stuck, it seems, in a loop of endless pleasure that he’s created. She hears more than sees his own release rip through his body, his lips pressed to the dip in her jaw and a low, earth-shaking moan escaping his throat. 

They lie against each other for a long few moments, the only sound in the room their labored breathing. 

“What have you done to me?” Ben asks, so softly Rey almost misses it, which makes her think maybe it was just meant to be a thought. Either way, it makes her smile a little. 

She understands now, how the line between love and hate is so thin and with them, it will be almost nonexistent. 

Ben pulls himself up to lie beside her and she turns into him, and silently, _his long fingers trace the notches of her spine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I hope you had a good time. There is more to come. Keep subscribing and commenting and leaving kudos and ugh, thank you all so much! 
> 
> Hope your wine's good, mine's great. Enjoy. 
> 
> Lots of love.


	7. Waiting Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, because I feel strongly about this for some reason, Queen Elissa's name is pronounced El-ee-sa. Ya know. Long e, I guess? Enjoy!

Rey and Ben lie in quiet for what seems like a long time, every inch of their bodies pressed together and Ben’s fingertips grazing across her back, tracing constellations on her skin.

“I think I did want to talk to you, you know,” Ben says quietly, his dark voice rumbling in his chest and Rey can feel it in her own body. “That’s originally why I wanted you to meet me,” He continues. 

“I think that’s a lie,” Rey whispers quietly, her eyes still closed. Ben huffs and it sounds a little bit like a laugh. “What was it you wanted to talk about? Your bad attitude?” She jokes, and he moves a little, glancing down at her with that smirk back on his face. 

“I think it had something to do with trying to convince you to come with me,” Ben begins, flopping back down with one arm behind his head and the other still wrapped solidly around Rey. “And then something about dreams. Clearly, I got distracted and went off-course,” He tells her. 

“I’m not going with you,” Rey tells him, quiet but stern. He only sighs. 

“I know you’re not,”

“There’s nothing you can say that will convince me,” She continues. 

“Believe me, Rey, I’m beginning to understand that. It doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying,” Ben states, reluctantly pulling away from her in favor of turning onto his side and looking down at her, his fingertips thrumming a pattern on her stomach. 

“Just so you know, you’re not very good at making an argument,” Rey says, reaching a hand up to brush it through his hair. There are another few moments of silence, as he looks at her and she stares at him, looking into those deep, beautiful eyes that Rey swears she can see the entire galaxy in. 

“I should go,” Ben says suddenly, quietly. Rey says nothing.

He should go. That doesn’t mean she wants him to. 

Maybe Rey has just felt achingly lonely for so long, or there’s really something more happening between them that is going to rip her apart from the inside out. Maybe the dreams have made her crave something she doesn’t really want. But she _does_ want him. Maybe she’s just losing her mind. 

Rey is the first one to move, as always, standing and feeling so cold without him wrapped around her. She makes quick work of finding her clothes and slipping them on, unsure if she should just leave or wait for something, a goodbye maybe? When Ben begins to dress Rey watches shamelessly, the muscles in his back rippling with every movement. Underneath all of that black fabric is a lean, tall body that really, is quite impressive. 

Ben escorts her out, one hand rested oh-so-gently on her back as they walk down the ramp, once again in between both of their ships. When they stop, Rey turns to look at him and Ben begins to slide his fingers through her hair, twisting the strands as if at any moment he could pull them and press a kiss to her throat. 

“I don’t know if I should kiss you goodbye,” Rey says quietly, shivering at their closeness and his touch. Ben actually smiles a little. 

“That’s up to you,” He says gruffly, fingers once again softening their hold on her hair, and Rey steps forward to meet his embrace and without another thought about it, presses her mouth to his. It’s an achingly sweet kiss, one that makes her heart hammer in her chest and her stomach twist into knots. 

“This can’t happen again,” Rey breathes against his lips, knowing that it’s a lie even as it comes out of her mouth. 

“No, it shouldn’t,” 

“Say it won’t,” She begs, pulling away to look at that wonderful pouty mouth of his and his dark, sparkling eyes. 

“I can’t say that,” He whispers, and Rey gives an exasperated sigh. There should be a simple answer to this. They should hate each other. They should go back to being enemies. But now all Rey can think about is how graceful and primal he is when he fights, how well they moved around each other, how his hands and mouth and cock felt, so _deep_ inside her and suddenly she has to choke back something like a sob. 

Ben presses a gentle kiss on her head and then nudges her forward, as if trying to help her. Rey can’t risk looking back at him because if she does, she’ll never get back on her ship. 

He waits until she’s lifted off the ground and is pointed west, back towards the castle, before he boards his ship and they’re out of sight of each other once again. 

Rey tries her best to sneak back into the palace quietly, but it’s begun to get light out and Poe, ever the early riser, is already outside on a balcony and looking around. As she’s landing her transport, Finn, and Rose join him, cups of caf in their hands. She thinks maybe she can go around their line of vision, and she’s halfway to the door back in the hangar when Poe calls out. 

“Rey?” He asks, peering around the balcony, quickly followed by the faces of Finn and Rose. “Where were you?” 

“Uh, I just, just went out for a fly, you know,” Rey stutters and mentally kicks herself. Maybe she really is a bad liar. 

“Oh, well, come join us for breakfast!” Poe calls with a grin, and Rey has never been so grateful for him. Either he knew she was lying and decided to cover for her, or he’s clueless. Rey figures it’s probably the former, though. With a nod, she heads inside the palace to her room, glancing around. Her bed has been made and her regular clothing is nowhere to be found, and she’s still clad in her sleeping pants and her flying jacket. 

“Ah, Rey, you’re back,” Leia appears at her door, smiling that knowing smile that she has, that seems to look right through Rey’s soul. 

“I, yes,” Rey says, glancing around. “Where are my clothes?” She questions, to which Leia only nods. 

“Being cleaned. For now, you have an entire closet to choose from. Elissa is an old friend, and she wants to make everyone comfortable,” Leia tells Rey, taking her hand and walking her over to a door that opens to reveal a tall closet full of beautiful fabric – blues and greens and purples and light pink and they’re so _gorgeous._ Rey is speechless, hopelessly looking to Leia for some form of guidance. The older woman smiles at her and reaches out, running her hand along the fabrics before picking one out. 

“Leia, I’ve never,” Rey begins, her face flushing a deep red. 

“Worn a dress?” Leia asks, a little smirk on her face. Rey thought that Han had been the master of that smirk and where Ben had gotten it from, but she’s not so sure now when she sees Leia turn her lips up like that. “I know. But you’re meeting the Queen today, and I promise it’s not as uncomfortable as you think.” Leia assures her, picking out a muted, deep purple dress that’s nicer than anything Rey’s ever seen or ever thought about wearing. Holding it out to her, Leia lifts an eyebrow as if to ask if she likes it. Rey can only nod. 

With a way about her that can only be described as motherly, Leia helps Rey into the dress and fastens up the back, fluffing the ankle-length skirt and taking a walk around her. The sleeves are long and the bodice comes off her thin shoulders, a piece of fabric draping over her breast. Rey studies the dress on her body in the mirror. She feels out of place. 

“May I?” Leia asks, touching a strand of Rey’s hair, that her son had run his fingers through not two hours ago. Rey nods quietly again at her, letting herself be guided to the mirror and sat in the chair. With practiced fingers, Leia sweeps Rey’s hair up into a simple updo, combing through the tangles and pining it so only a few stray pieces fall near her eyes. Rey finds she really likes it. 

“Thank you, Leia,” She says quietly, and accepts the little hug that Leia gives her, and the kiss on her forehead. 

“Rey,” Leia begins, sitting down next to her. “You haven’t, spoken to my son recently, have you?” Rey’s heart stops in her chest. Does she lie? She has a feeling Leia, of all people, will know if she does. Despite her better judgment, Rey shakes her head. 

“No,” Rey says quietly, twisting her fingers together. Leia hums and gives her a little nod. 

“Go and join your friends for breakfast,” Leia tells her, the familiar smile has returned to her face. “They’re waiting for you.” 

Rey stands with a little answering smile and only lets out the breath she'd been holding when she’s out of the room. 

Leia knows, Rey is sure of it. 

Rey follows Leia and Poe and Finn into the throne room, fussing with the fabric of her dress for something to do with her hands. When they walk in, handmaidens scurry away from the throne, and guards stand at attention. The woman who sits in the chair at the end of the hall is young, Poe’s age, Rey figures. And she’s stunning. Long dark hair falls down her back, and she wears the grandest gown Rey has ever seen. It’s a blushing color with gold and pearls and an intricate pattern, sparkling in the light. The woman stands, pulling back the hood of her cloak to reveal a golden circlet. 

“Poe,” The woman says, her voice soft and buttery. “It’s been a long time,” She has an accent. An accent like Rey’s. Queen Elissa’s eyes shift over to her, and for a moment Rey gets a fleeting feeling in her mind, like something that passed through. 

_Oh._

Poe and the Queen embrace, and Poe announces Leia and Finn, but when he gets to Rey, she stops. 

“And this is,” Poe begins. 

“Rey, I know,” The Queen says, stepping forward towards Rey, extending a hand to place it on her face. “I’ve heard much about you,” She says, her dark eyes gazing into Rey’s soul. Who is this woman?

“Elissa, thank you for having us. We’re here because we need your help,” Poe begins, tearing Elissa’s attention away from Rey, but Rey, in contrast, can’t look away. 

“She knows,” She blurts out, and the Queen raises an amused eyebrow, smiling a little. 

“Of course. You wouldn’t have come if you didn’t, though you know you’re always welcome,” She states, nodding to Leia before sweeping a hand towards the balcony. “Please, let’s go somewhere more comfortable and talk.” 

Poe begins to lead them forward but Rey hangs back, unable to look away from the strange young woman she’s just met. 

“The Force,” Rey says, once her friends are out of earshot. “You have it.” 

“Everyone has it,” Queen Elissa shrugs, her hands clasped in front of her. “But yes, I can use it.” 

“You can read minds,” Rey probes. 

“Yes, I can,” Elissa tells her, taking her by the arm and walking her slowly over to a glass window stained with color at the end of the hall. “And I read yours when you came in, as I’m sure you can imagine.” 

Rey isn’t sure how to feel about this, about another person being in her mind. Elissa stops and looks at Rey, studying her with large, knowing eyes. 

“I was born an illegitimate child here on Naboo. I never knew my father, and my mother died shortly after I was born. I had no family, no home, until I met Poe. His mother brought me to the Resistance, and I grew up there, with him and Leia. There are many things about you and I that are similar, Rey,” Elissa tells her, and Rey isn’t sure how to respond, so she just listens. “When Poe was old enough to fly and they sent Ben off to train with Luke, I came back to Naboo. And now I’m here,” She seems to conclude. Ben? She knew Ben? Rey wishes the little feeling of jealousy wasn’t settling in the pit of her stomach. Elissa takes Rey’s hand and walks her around again, to another window. A map of the galaxy, etched with color. 

“How did you become Queen?” Rey asks, furrowing her brow.

“I was elected,” Elissa states, and Rey decides not to press further for the moment. She knows nothing of Naboo’s politics, and she reckons it’s probably a complicated thing to explain. 

“You can use the Force, though, why didn’t you stay with the Resistance?” Rey questions, and the young Queen’s eyes grow sad for a moment. 

“I knew I was needed somewhere else more. But I’ve always remained a friend and an ally to Poe and Leia. I can read minds, Rey, it’s true, but I can also read eyes, and yours are very expressive. Tell me who the man is that’s causing you so much pain,” Elissa pries. Rey almost huffs in frustration. First Leia, now the Queen? Apparently amused at the look on her face, Elissa smiles. 

“He’s nobody,” Rey says quietly, trying her hardest to put walls up in her mind to avoid the Queen reaching in and prying further. 

“That’s not true, Rey, that much I know. You can block your mind from me, but I know what it looks like when a woman is in love with someone she knows she should not love.” 

“I don’t love him,” Rey says quickly, but it’s too late. Elissa has already broken through her defenses, and even if she can keep her from reading her mind, Rey knows that this woman is smart enough to see right through her. 

“Come,” Elissa says, taking Rey’s arm. “I have many funny stories about Poe that even Leia doesn’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta daaaa! You'll probably get another update tonight because I've got a rare night with nothing to do. 
> 
> Would you guys want a chapter from Ben's POV? Let me know ya'll. 
> 
> Continue to bookmark and comment and share this!!! You can find me on tumblr under the same username, by the way! So come chat! 
> 
> Lots of love! Drink more wine!
> 
> -K


	8. Dark Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot took over the beginning a little, but hey, there's more sex.

Rey’s not sure what to do with herself now that there’s no immediate threat to her life, no mission to go on, nothing to do with her time but be with her friends and, what? Meditate? 

She figures she may as well try to get _some_ sort of learning done, so she takes the ancient texts from their hidden compartment on the Falcon and heads towards one of the many empty rooms in the palace, locating (with a degree of difficulty that she’d rather not admit) the door that leads out into an enclosed courtyard. According to Elissa, it’s a quiet, private place that has room enough to train, and she won’t be found. Rey finds that despite her initial discomfort of having her mind read by the woman, she really does like her. 

Rey plops down onto the ground beneath a tree, biting into a piece of fruit she stole from the kitchen and opening up one of the books. 

Within the first twenty minutes, her vision is swimming and she’s sighing in frustration, ready to throw the damn book across the courtyard. Perhaps Luke was right – the Jedi religion really was archaic and makes less and less sense the further Rey reads. Still, she’s glad she took them with her, even if they’re not proving very useful so far. They bring her some comfort, in a way, some piece of Luke and the Jedi that she feels she has with her. Even if, she’s pretty sure, she could never really be a Jedi. At least, not the way these books tell her to be. She’s already broken their rules a thousand times over, and the consistent tingle of her skin when she thinks of Ben should make her remorseful, but it only makes her want him again. 

With a resigned sigh, Rey gets to her feet and grabs her saber, igniting the dual ends and beginning her usual forms routine. The only thing she can hear is her own breathing, so when the bond opens she doesn’t register the usual pull in her spine until Ben speaks. 

“Your foot is too far forward,” He states, and Rey nearly loses her balance, looking around wildly for his form. He’s halfway hidden inside an archway, but when Rey looks, he steps out, his hair beautifully tousled and loose tunic showing _just a little bit_ of the soft skin of his chest. Rey stares at him shamelessly for a moment, not too sure what to say. Does she say hi? Kiss him? How in the hell does this work? 

Ben doesn’t give her an option though when he steps towards her and puts a hand on her thigh, nudging her foot backward a little bit with his own. His hand comes up to rest on her lower back, pressing gently to straighten her spine, his breath warm and tickling on the nape of her neck. 

“Lower your blade at the back,” He instructs, so Rey does. “Very good, Rey,” He breathes. It’s meant to be praise, but it just comes out of his mouth so _sensually,_ and Rey fights back a moan. Her skin is pricking with goosebumps at his touch, how close he is and how Rey really can feel the hardness of his body behind her. “Shall we spar?” He asks, and abruptly he’s gone, his lightsaber suddenly in his hand, ignited. 

He’s calm when he fights, controlled. They spar gently, Rey still getting used to the dual edges of her saber, significantly lighter than her quarterstaff was. Ben advances on her, a smirk playing on his lips as he swings his saber around to hit hers, testing her strength with a push forward. They dance around each other gracefully, like they’ve done this all their lives. 

Rey would be lying if she said she didn’t let him pull her in closer to his chest, their sabers crossed as she’s caught in his arms. 

“You let me win,” Ben breathes against the shell of her ear, and Rey takes her chance to knock him back, on her knees over his waist with one edge of her saber near his neck. 

“Never,” She whispers. 

 

“Will what remains of the Republic declare war on the First Order?” Poe is asking the Queen, and Rey thinks that this is probably not the best topic of conversation to entertain over dinner. 

“No,” Elissa says, taking a sip of wine. “Not now that they have control over so many of the major systems,” Rey takes another bite of her meat, relishing in the taste of something that’s not rations provided by Unkar Plutt or the Resistance. _Real_ food, prepared perfectly and served on beautiful plates. The entirety of the Resistance, including the Queen, fit at one long table that’s been set in the dining room. To Rey, the entire thing is ridiculous. The dresses, the drinks, the gold that seems to be everywhere – she’s used to eating rations sat on a bench with no utensils. 

“But don’t you think they should? I mean, yes, our allies are scattered in the Outer Rim but if the Republic declared a _real_ war, we could scramble up an army in three days time,” Poe is saying, gesturing wildly with his hands. 

“Poe, always wanting to fight,” The Queen sighs. “It’s too dangerous. There’s too much negative risk – our allies may not come, the remaining members of the Senate may not want to emerge from hiding – Poe, you have to know when to pick your battles.” 

“I’ve been telling him that,” Leia states, wagging a finger at the dark-haired man. 

“We should at least go to our allies in person, try to convince them that this is a fight worth joining,” Poe continues, leaning into Elissa as if he’s pleading. Her eyes are full of that same sadness that Rey noticed earlier. 

“Perhaps,” She begins with a little nod. “They may attack you if you leave, though. You must be prepared for that,” Poe takes this as a go-ahead apparently, because his face breaks into a shit-eating grin that Rey can’t help but laugh at. 

“Great, so, tomorrow,” Poe starts, bouncing a little in his seat. “Rey, Finn, Rose, Jessika, Tallie, Kaydel and I will make our way to the Outer Rim and try to condense some of our forces,” It’s all out of his mouth before he seems to remember he’s still got to answer to Leia, who’s looking at him expectantly. He glances at her with a nervous grin. 

“Very well,” Leia says quietly. 

 

They end up on a planet called Arbra, not far from Naboo, just on the inside of the Outer Rim section of the galaxy. A densely forested planet with a very old rebel base, where a few of the Resistance’s friends apparently still preside. According to Leia, there’s quite a sizeable group. Rey is glad to be back in trousers and trekking through the woods behind Poe, it just feels right. What does _not_ feel right, however, is the feeling that she is running down her spine when they make it to Leia’s friends. Rey stands and stares out the window onto the clearing. Something is very wrong. 

A ship appears from out of hyperspace. 

“Poe!” Rey shouts, and the named man comes running towards the window, immediately shouting out orders. There’s not enough of them. 

A ship locates them and touches down, releasing a squadron of Stormtroopers. 

“Fuck!” Poe is bellowing, running outside with his blaster in hand. Rey watches as he climbs into his ship, already talking on his comm to the rest of the pilots already on the ground and ones coming in. 

“Don’t attack until they do!” Kaydel shouts, ushering the people on the ground towards a bunker within the old base. 

_You’re here. We need to talk._ Ben’s voice invades Rey’s head and she stumbles on her way outside, just managing to dodge a blaster laser. 

_Kind of busy at the moment._ Rey thinks, firing back at an incoming pair of Stormtroopers. 

_Now, Rey._ He sounds growly and angry even in her head. With an annoyed huff, Rey waits until all of her friends have turned their backs on her before slipping out, running east towards what she’s pretty sure is a river. Rey reaches out and probes with the Force, trying to find some suitable terrain to wait on. She locates the bank of her river and he’s already there, heard before he’s actually seen, what with the loud crackle of that lightsaber. Rey reads his emotions as they come off of him in waves - some fear, excitement, always the same anger, and something else entirely.

“Pull the division out and head back to Naboo with your friends. You can try to hold them off, but the First Order will call for backup and you have no chance. They’re here only because they know you came to pick up my mother’s remaining supporters,” Ben tells her, stepping out of the shadow of a tree to come face to face with Rey. 

“Aren’t you their leader? What are you doing here, on the ground?” Rey questions, trying to search in his eyes for some sort of answer. 

“General Hux went against my orders to remain neutral for the time being,” Ben growls, anger returning to his eyes. 

“Would you like to tell me what you’re playing at here? Why you’re giving me _advice_ and battle plans?” Rey growls, taking a step in his direction until she’s close enough to feel the heat of his body. His eyes narrow menacingly.

“Why do you question things like this, Rey?” Ben asks, a hand reaching up to grab her arm. He’s so close now, she could rise onto her tiptoes and kiss him. “I told you I wouldn’t attack you. This is me trying to help you. _Take my kindness and stop asking questions,”_ He hisses. 

“Rey!” Poe’s voice comes from the forest and Rey swings around to catch him walking out, blaster pointed in the direction of Ben. “You son of a –“

“Finish that Dameron, and you will regret it,” Ben states, ignited saber pointed vaguely in Poe’s direction. 

“Listen, you _fucker,”_ Poe begins, and Rey shoves herself in between them as Poe advances, shouting his name. The pilot finally tears his angry gaze away from Ben to look at her but is obviously none too happy about it. 

“Get everyone onto transports so we can jump into lightspeed back to Naboo. They won’t attack us there, and we don’t have the people or resources to sustain a fight, especially if the First Order calls for any more back up. Let them think we’re retreating,” Rey commands, and she can feel through the bond that Ben _likes_ the sound of her voice when she speaks like this. 

“But then we’ll look,” Poe begins, with a shake of his head. 

“Like we’re tactfully retreating, which is better than trying to win a fight that we will not be able to win,” Rey replies, her hand on Poe’s arm in perhaps an attempt to console him, or force him to see this her way. 

“What about him?” He asks then, nodding his head to Ben, who still stands to the side, watching closely, saber still crackling in the air. 

“I’ll deal with him. Go, Poe,” 

“I’m not leaving you,” He states, fingers flexing around his blaster as his gaze swings back to Ben. 

“Trust me, please,” Rey begs. “Go,” She hopes he can see that she’s serious. Finally, after a long moment of silence and one last bitter glance at Ben Solo, Poe retreats back into the shadows and takes off running, shouting retreat orders into his comm. 

“Have them all wrapped around your finger now, do you?” Ben asks, a note of curiosity and perhaps a twinge of jealousy in his deep voice. 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re playing at, Ben Solo, but this has to stop. Now,” Rey spits out, trying to sound much more stern than she feels. 

“Of course, Rey.” 

 

 _May I see you?_ He asks. It’s the first time the bond has opened since Arbra three days ago, when he tipped her off and let the Resistance and Leia’s friends go. Rey is standing out on the balcony of her room, trying to find some peace and balance in the force while she’s feeling so frightening out of control of her mind and body. She wants to tell him no. She needs to tell him no. But when her mind is flooded with the images he’s thinking of, of her body thrown back on the bed and laid bare for him, of her pressed against him. 

_We can’t, Ben. Not again._ Rey thinks, even though it hurts her to admit. She’s aching for him. 

_You’re right._ Ben thinks, and that stings more than Rey cares to admit. She hadn’t wanted him to give up that easily. But he hasn’t, evidently, because she can feel his amusement through the bond. 

_Fine. Same place as before. I’ll be there soon._ Rey thinks, and tears herself away from the balcony to head towards the hangar, swinging her jacket on as she goes. This is a terrible, terrible idea. 

Standing on the bank of the river Rey waits, kicking rocks with the toe of her shoe until she hears Ben’s ship coming from the south, landing softly near hers. She doesn’t turn when the hatch opens and he walks towards her, only studies the little rippling waves that the stream produces and the way the moons glow off the dark surface. Without warning, Ben’s arms are around her body, encircling her and she’s _sinking_ back into his touch, against her better judgment. His hand slips up her body to cup her jaw, tilting her head back to lock their mouths together. Rey breathes a sigh of relief at the welcome pressure, reaching back to tangle her fingers in his soft hair, tugging him closer. 

“Inside,” Ben says gruffly, pulling reluctantly away from her mouth to urge her towards the ship. Rey registers that they’re not talking, this is just happening, and Rey is in danger of falling apart, both in mind and body. But she can’t keep herself away, can’t seem to stop him from kissing her once he’s started, not after she’s thought so many times about their first night together, when they lay awake until almost morning, wrapped in each other. Rey’s chest aches at the memory, and she pulls Ben closer, drinking him in like she’s back in the desert and he’s the first drop of water she’s seen in days. Hands tangle up in hair and shirts and she swears, _swears_ he’s insatiable. His hands detach her own from his body and he moves to tug down the zipper of her jacket, leaving a trail of clothing as they clumsily push and pull each other back towards the bed. Ben’s warm skin presses against hers and she can’t stop the whimper that escapes from her throat at the feeling, and his answering moan is just as skin-tingling. 

They slip back into a dance, an already choreographed mix between fighting and loving, urgent and rushing to feel as much skin as possible. Ben lifts Rey up into his arms, lips dragging a pattern over the smooth skin of her neck. Naked skin slides back and forth against each other and she shivers, too lost in the moment to remember that she’s betraying her friends and everything she wants to be able to say she stands for. 

Rey _feels_ him though, so deeply. Feels his body against hers like it’s the only thing tethering her to this planet, their lips connecting and fingers entwining and his little gasps against her skin when she squirms in just the right way. 

“We’re supposed to hate each other,” Rey says quietly, trying to remind herself rather than him, she reckons. 

“We can go back to hating each other tomorrow. Right now, Rey, I need you. Please,” He begs, his voice breathy as his lips read her collarbone. There are more words on the tip of her tongue that all sound something like: _We can’t do this. We should not be doing this. I hate you I hate you I hate you. I need you._

Ben gathers her up in his arms and Rey uses all her strength to turn them over, locking her knees around his hips and taking his face in her hands while he kisses her, relishing in the feeling of their bodies pressed together and the friction it creates in her center. Her hair falls to create a curtain around them, and for a moment Rey truly feels like they are the only two people on the planet, like there’s not a war outside and they’re not enemies and she can forgive him for everything he’s done. She feels like maybe they really could just be lovers, in this moment. 

Ben nudges her up and with gentle, gentle movements brushes his fingertips over her exposed shoulders and slides the pads of his thumbs over her nipples with a sensual little smile on his face. Rey shivers under the touch and shuts her eyes, a giggle rising in her throat as she turns away so he can’t see how hard she’s blushing under his gaze. 

“Hiding from me?” Ben asks, leaning her back to leave hot, open-mouthed kisses in the valley of her breasts that makes her squirm. 

“Hiding? No. Trying to run? Yes,” Rey struggles out, unable to speak under the feel of his mouth and hands all over her.

“You’re a smart girl, my little scavenger. Keep running,” Ben breathes, and he might be saying those words but his hands are circling her body and he’s _touching her_ and all thoughts of running away from him, physically or mentally, are abandoned. All she can feel is him; his body, holding her close and kissing her languidly, like a snake glides through water. 

Rey reluctantly forces him away and places her palms on his hard chest, pressing him back down. He looks at her, breathless for a moment, then smirks a little as she focuses on undoing the fastenings of his pants. All she can think about is how much she wants him. Climbing off of him, Rey lets the rest of her clothing drop to the floor and he does the same, and she’s back on top of him, batting his hands away from her with a little smile. Leaning down, Rey brushes his dark curls away from his face and tucks her face between his shoulder and gives him a hot kiss below his jaw, continuing her exploration down his neck, reveling in the feeling of his soft skin beneath her mouth. 

“Rey,” He moans, hands gripping the sheets beneath them and Rey feels her heart threatening to beat out of her chest, nervous and excited and craving him so badly. 

Without a warning, Rey reaches between them and sinks down onto him, relishing in the way his eyes flutter closed and his pouting lips part in a silent display of ecstasy, matching Rey’s own expression of lust.   
Opening her eyes, Rey finds his still closed and his hands gripping her waist so tightly that she can practically feel the bruises purpling under his touch. He is yards and yard of long stretches of muscle that she’s embarrassed to say she knows so well. Ben’s eyes fly open and he smiles a little, turning her over in one quick movement and slipping his arms around her, hooking her leg around his waist and bringing her closer. Rey has always been nimble, but stretching her body in this way is such a delicious feeling that she can’t say she’s ever experienced before. Their lips are nearly brushing as he thrusts deeper into her and she _whines,_ shuddering and trembling against him, the same way their bond is doing. 

_Rey, say my name._

_Go to hell._ She thinks, and thankfully he takes it as the joke it’s meant to be, because she can hear his soft laugh and the warmth of his breath across her cheek. 

_Say it, Rey. I want to hear you._

In the moments when he’s baiting her and instigating and looking at her like she belongs on her back beneath him, maybe he’s Kylo Ren. But when she _is_ beneath him, when he’s looking at her like she’s the sun and his lips graze her temples and especially right now, when they’re pressed together chest to chest in a position that only seems _equal,_ when he’s begging her to rise to him with his body and his thoughts and his soft whisper of her name, he’s someone else entirely. 

_“Ben,”_ Rey moans, unsure if his name comes out as a whimper or a scream, all she knows is that she can feel through the bond what it does to him. It creates a flood of emotions within him to hear her say it that way. Need. It strikes a weakness inside him that Rey has never felt before.

He is nothing and no one and all the same he is someone and everything to Rey in this moment, when her body is nearly _there_ and his lips brush hers with a tenderness that makes her want to cry wrapped in his arms. She can hardly feel herself anymore. 

Rey can see the galaxy behind her eyelids when his thumb rubs quick circles on her clit and her body clenches around him in every way, and it takes even longer than last time for her to feel like she’s not dead and resurrecting as she lies still against him. 

Their breathing is erratic, just like Rey’s heartbeat, filling the otherwise silent room. Eventually, the rise and fall of Ben’s chest begins to fall into sync with Rey’s and she’s overwhelmed by a feeling of comfort. Finally, after a long few minutes, he lets go of her just slightly and disconnects their bodies, eliciting a soft whimper from Rey at the loss of contact. He looks at her like she’s wounded him deeply. 

This time, it’s Rey who cradles Ben against her, combing her fingers through his dark hair and listening to the sound of their matched breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark and comment and share and do all that cool other stuff i love you guys! <3


	9. No Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer is: I have no idea if Poe actually has a sister, but for the purposes of the story, he does.

“Rey?” Queen Elissa sticks her head into Rey’s room with a little smile. “Would you like to walk with me in the gardens? It’s a beautiful day,” She says, a hopeful look in her eyes as she smiles. Rey can’t find it in her to say no, and she figures maybe it’s better not to wallow in her own lingering sadness. She can’t help but miss Ben when he’s not there – miss his body, his touch, the rare little smiles she’s been catching glimpses of. 

“I’d love to, Your Majesty,” Rey says, coming in from her balcony to follow the Queen back outside into the gardens. Elissa’s light blue dress swishes on the ground, airy and light, exactly what the summer sky might look like if you fastened a dress out of it. Rey finds herself a little bit jealous of the young Queen, in a way that she feels bad about. Elissa is graceful, kind, and beautiful, almost ethereal, what with those elaborate headdresses she balances atop her hair. Rey could never be that way. 

“How’s Ben?” Elissa asks. Rey stops short. She can feel the Queen’s amusement in the air and see it in the twinkle of her eye as she smiles at Rey. 

“He’s,” Rey begins, once again unsure if she should really be answering all of these questions truthfully. These people are really testing her lying skills. “He’s good,” She settles. 

“The First Order has been unusually quiet, after the attack on Arbra,” Elissa tells her, crossing her hands behind her back as they walk. Rey hasn’t mastered the art of not almost-tripping in these long dresses, unlike Elissa, who seems to have it down to a science. “Poe told me he found you speaking to him in the woods. He warned you to get everyone off-world before the First Order called for more troops. Why?” 

“He said that the General disobeyed his orders to remain neutral against the Resistance,” Rey tells her, as they stop so the Queen can brush her fingertips along a bushel of flowers. She picks one and hands it to Rey with a smile. “Please take no offense to this, Your Majesty, but I don’t think I should be sharing any of this with you,” Rey says. 

“But you can’t find it in yourself to lie to me,” Elissa says, leaning towards her with a smile that Rey thinks looks a lot like the ones Poe flashes. “Even if you don’t let me into your mind, you’re still telling me the truth, which you don’t have to do.” 

“I suppose I need to talk to someone,” Rey mumbles, twirling the pretty purple flower in between her fingers. All this silence and secrecy that’s surrounding her is beginning to weigh on her soul. 

“So, talk to me,” Elissa says, glancing towards Rey with soft eyes. “Tell me what’s troubling you.” 

Once Rey starts, she can’t stop. 

She tells Elissa about Ben, about the Force connection that began on the island, the throne room, him asking her to join him, their continued, connecting dreams and their meetings. Elissa stays quiet, listening patiently, not a sound from her lips or a glance passed Rey’s way, and that’s why Rey finds it easy to talk, suddenly. She only registers that Elissa is still there when the woman reaches up to brush Rey’s tears away, tucking a strand of hair back behind her ear. Rey’s words turn to quiet sobs, and Elissa leads her to sit down on a bench facing the lake. 

“I’m so sorry,” Rey laughs, embarrassed that she’s let her emotions overtake her so completely, her face dry from the tears and her body warm, like she’s run through the sweltering heat of the desert. 

“Don’t apologize, Rey,” Elissa tells her, smiling a little. “Can I tell you a story?” She asks. Rey nods quietly, calming her breath enough to be able to hear her friend’s soft voice. 

“When I was a child, Poe and his mother found me here on Naboo, an orphan, as I told you. They took me back to the Resistance base and I was raised by everyone there, and Ben and Poe and his sister Aya, we were all great friends growing up.” There’s a distant look Elissa’s eyes as she begins to talk, looking out onto the lake with a sad smile. 

“I didn’t know Poe had a sister,” Rey says quietly, suspecting that perhaps this is where Elissa’s story may be going. 

“He did. Aya looked a lot like you, actually. Dark hair and dark eyes like Poe, button nose like her mother. She taught me a lot growing up, even though we were the same age. See, Rey, everything that the Jedi tell you not to feel; the lust and passion and anger and hate, those things are part of life. That’s why I rejected Luke’s offer when he asked if I wanted to train with him. Ben went, but I didn’t. Because I couldn’t commit to a life of no love. At thirteen, I was already in love with my best friend,” Elissa shrugs, and Rey can see the tears forming in her eyes, her steel, graceful composure cracking to reveal a woman who might be just as confused as Rey, a little lost in the world around her – and missing someone. Terribly. Elissa continues quietly.

“Aya taught me as we grew up that there were so many facets of life, so many different emotions that you can’t push out just because someone prefers that you don’t give into them. I think that’s what scares you about Ben, Rey – that boy has always loved or hated with his whole heart, there is nothing in between. Lust and passion and anger and hate are not things that Ben shies away from, he never has. It’s why he so easily fell to the dark side when Snoke began to corrupt him, and it’s why he started wearing the mask, because he’s completely unable to keep those emotions off of his face. I know it’s terrifying, to fall in love with someone who’s dangerous like that but Rey, it’s the most amazing thing you’ll ever have in your life.” 

Rey studies Elissa’s face, watching a stray tear slide down her face. Rey takes her hand, holding tight like Finn does when she’s upset. 

“What happened to Aya?” Rey asks quietly, not wanting to push her, but she needs to know. She has to know if it was him. 

“It wasn’t,” Elissa tells her. “It wasn’t him. No, she just became sick. When we were around eighteen, we went to a foreign planet far in the Outer Rim and she caught a native disease, and it was just impossible to treat. The native species of humanoid on the planet had died out years before, presumably from the disease, but we didn’t know that then. It was lucky no one else caught it, but I had to watch her die through a glass window. I couldn’t even hold her hand,” Elissa says, her lower lip trembling. Rey doesn’t know if she should reach out and hug her, so she just stays still, their hands still clasped together. “It hurts to lose someone, always, but it’s even worse when it’s someone you love with all your heart.”

Rey furrows her brow, trying to bite back more tears. 

“But, why are you telling me this? It just seems like you’re trying to convince me not to love, that it brings so much pain.” Rey says, honestly confused. Is this why the Jedi teach no attachment? Because a death could wreck you? If that’s true, how did Leia do it when she lost Han? “Don’t you wish you didn’t hurt?” 

“No,” Elissa answers quickly. “I don’t. Because it reminds me that she existed. She was real. That there was love – there was so much love.” The Queen’s voice quivers as her tears fall but there is a real, genuine smile crossing her face. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything. To have had a moment of her love is worth all of the pain in the world.” 

Rey feels fresh tears falling as Elissa speaks, not because she’s sad necessarily, but because she knows, deep down, that Elissa is right. Love is always worth the pain. 

 

Rey and Elissa walk back through the gardens, their arms around each other, finally laughing off the tears they’ve both just shed. 

“Your Majesty!” A handmaiden comes flying around the corner, a panicked, terrified look on her face. “It’s Leia.” 

Rey runs down the hallway after Elissa and her handmaiden, her heart hammering in her chest – and not from exertion. Poe and Kaydel are already waiting outside the door of the medical wing. 

“They told us we couldn’t go in before you did,” Poe growls, with a pointed look at the Queen, who waves open the door with her hand. 

“Doctor, speak,” Elissa commands. 

“She may have survived the attack on the _Raddus,_ but no human is able to withstand the effect exposure to space has on the body. Her internal organs are failing, which was always going to happen. Timing was a crap shoot,” The Doctor says quietly, looking gravely at them. 

“We were sitting together and she just started coughing,” Poe explains to Elissa and Rey, who can’t look away from the General’s pale face. She looks peaceful, but Rey longs to see the life behind her eyes. She wasn’t prepared for this. Not at all. 

“How long does she have?” Elissa asks, her voice calm and controlled, a regal Queen once again, even in grief. 

“Perhaps a month, perhaps a week, perhaps less,” The Doctor says quietly, and Poe’s face flashes with anger. 

“Perhaps? You mean you don’t know? Isn’t there something you can do for her? Or are we supposed to just let her die!” He shouts, stepping forward towards the Doctor with a rage that Rey has only ever seen in one other person. 

“Poe,” Elissa says firmly, and he steps back, but his breathing is still heavy and a thick vein looking a moment from bursting beneath his neck. Abruptly he turns and is out of the room before Rey can even blink, Kaydel moving to Leia’s bedside to take her hand. Elissa swings around to face Rey, who’s standing in silence, shocked. How could this happen _now?_ Now, more than ever, Rey needs her. “Tell Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking of doing the next chapter from Ben's pov. Thoughts?
> 
> Comment, bookmark, share, all that jazz. Thanks ya'll. <3


	10. I Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's POV!

Something is wrong. Ben can feel it in his bones, like an itch at the back of his mind, one that he can’t _quite_ put his finger on. 

_Ben?_ Rey. Thank the Force she’s speaking to him, because that means it’s not her. 

_Rey._ Ben replies, trying to probe deeper into her mind and open their connection for real. He wants to see her in front of him. There’s a sharp tug on the force and suddenly there she is, tears in her eyes. 

“Rey,” Ben breathes, taking a few tentative steps towards her. 

“Ben, come and meet me. It’s your mother,” She says quietly, like the words are too difficult to force out. One moment, Ben is intently staring at her face, thinking about how beautiful she is in her dark red dress, even with tears in those big eyes of hers, then he’s registering her words. 

“My mother?” He chokes out. No. “I’m coming.” 

He’s in a shuttle before he can properly send a message to Hux that he’s leaving the ship, setting course for Naboo, a fear in his stomach that he hasn’t felt since he was a child. What will he do when he lands on-world? Part of him wants to see his mother, and part of him doesn’t. He has so much, yet so little to say to her, because really, what can he say? An apology doesn’t seem sufficient enough, not for all that he’s done. He could apologize for killing his father, the love of her life, but it really isn’t enough. All he deserves from his mother is her hate. Yet he knows that when he arrives, that’s not what he’s going to feel from her, and that’s only going to make it worse. 

Rey is in the same spot she always is, at the edge of the river, shuffling her feet against the shoreline. The fear that they’re both feeling is twisting together within their force signatures, making it nearly impossible to breathe for both of them. Ben’s barely deployed the landing sequence before he’s pushing the button for the ramp and running down to her. She’s crying the moment he folds her in his arms. 

“She,” Rey gasps against his chest. “She’s dying. The, the blast that destroyed the _Raddus,_ she was caught out in space and it damaged her organs and, and,” Rey sobs, gripping Ben’s shirt tight in her small hands. He’s registering her words but all he can think about is how he watched that blast be fired. After a few moments, Rey is calm enough to pull her face from his body and look up at him, terrible grief written all over her beautiful face. 

“Does she know I didn’t fire the blast?” Ben asks, searching Rey’s eyes for an answer. She only drops her shoulders in an attempted shrug. 

“I don’t know,” She breathes, wiping at her eyes. For a few moments, the only sound is her sniffling and Ben’s rapid heartbeat and the water. 

“Can I see her?” Ben whispers, scared to even hear the answer, unsure of why he even asked the question. Rey looks at him intently for a few moments, eyes narrowing a little. 

“I’ll take you to her,” She nods. “But we have to be careful.” 

Rey slides in the pilot’s seat and Ben sits beside her, watching as Naboo passes below them. It’s been years since he’s been to this place, let alone the palace. He visited Elissa once when he left his Uncle’s teaching, to try to convince her to study the Force. But she was still broken from Aya’s death, something that Ben is only now beginning to understand the magnitude of, of a love like that. Even when she’d been elected as Queen and her advisors tried to convince her to marry, she had never wanted to. He wonders vaguely if it’s different now, but figures probably not. Elissa will never find someone like Aya in Naboo politics or the Senate, and until she does, she won’t love again. 

Ben wonders if that’s what would happen to him if he lost Rey. 

Their ship touches down in the hangar, strangely uninhabited this late at night, and Rey leads Ben out with more instructions to be as quiet as possible. She weaves them through corridors and doorways that Ben can hardly even see, intent to follow the sweep of her dress. When they reach the medical wing, Ben grabs her hand and to his surprise, she doesn’t pull hers away. They don’t acknowledge it as they walk into Leia’s room together, and Ben can feel his mother’s Force signature, there, but fainter than ever. Her head lifts to see who’s appeared and without another thought, Ben is letting go of Rey’s hand and sliding over to his mother’s bedside, on his knees next to her, her hand grasped in his. 

“Ben,” His mother laughs weakly, but it’s there, that beautiful, musical sound that Ben remembers from his youth. 

“Mom,” His voice cracks and he can’t stop his tears when they come. Leia rests her free hand on the top of his head, brushing it gently through his hair. 

“My boy,” She whispers. 

“I’m so sorry, mom, I’m so sorry,” Ben tells her, unsure of what he’s actually apologizing for, only knowing that he needs to get it out, needs her to know. 

“I know darling, I know,” Leia says quietly, brushing tears away from his cheeks in the way she would when he was young, when he’d wake up sobbing from nightmares and horrifying Force dreams, ones that Snoke snuck into his head. 

“I’m so sorry for Dad,” Ben says, gripping her hand tight. He truly is. He may have gotten along with Han Solo about a third of the time he’d see him, which was very rarely, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was Ben’s father. And what’s more, is that he hurt his mother terribly by killing him. Hurt Rey, hurt Chewy, hurt everyone that once Ben had loved dearly. Someone that he _does_ love dearly. Fuck, he’s got a lot of apologizing to do. 

“Ben,” Leia says quietly, coaxing her son to look up into the eyes of his mother. Ben meets her gaze, ready and completely frightened of what she might say next. “Ben, if you do nothing else for me, you have to fix this. Let it all go. The Resistance, the First Order – make something new. You and Rey,” Leia tells him, cupping his face in her fragile hand. Ben nods. He can do that. He has to. 

“Balance,” Ben murmurs, and Leia only nods. 

“Balance. Create it, bring it back to us, Ben, I know you can. Now, go, you shouldn’t be here long, my child,” She says quietly, urging him up with a little pat beneath his chin like she did when she wanted him to stand a little straighter at a senate meeting. Ben rises but stays stooped down, cradling his mother’s head in his hand and pressing their foreheads together. 

“I’ll do it, Mom, I promise. I’ll fix this,” Ben says, determination lacing his voice and his soul as he says it. 

“Take care of her,” Leia whispers, meant only for him to hear. “Love her, Ben.” 

 

Love her, he does. But he’s not going to tell her that, not yet. 

They board the ship and fly in silence once again, Rey politely pretending she doesn’t notice him still wiping away tears. He hates feeling this weak, more than he hates anything in the world. At one time, he would’ve hated Rey seeing him like this even more, but he figures that if she’s seen him have an orgasm, perhaps she can deal with seeing his sadness as well as his ecstasy. The thought is almost funny. 

The land near his ship, by the river, and instead of leaving her then, Ben walks over to the river and leans down, letting the rushing water flow over his open palm. Cleansing. Rey stands nearby, her skin glowing so beautifully in the light of the moons. They watch each other quietly, both waiting for the other to make the first move. It’s usually her, but this time it’s Ben. He stands and grabs her by the waist, tugging her into his chest and pressing their lips together with no preamble. He needs her. He always needs her, but he needs her to know what he’s feeling right at this moment, needs to apologize to her in the only way he knows how at the moment. Ben needs her skin, to kiss her and ravish her and love her in a way that makes his intentions clear: he’s not leaving her. Not until she decides she doesn’t want him. 

Ben sweeps her up, cradling her close to his chest just like the time on Tokadana, when she lay unconscious in his arms after he’d tried to get into her head. How far they’ve come since then. Rey’s lips press against his neck and her hand curls in his hair, employing a delicious amount of pain that Ben can’t help his growl. He sets her down and turns her, lifting her dark hair to press a kiss to the back of her neck. She shivers under his mouth and his touch, goosebumps pricking up on her lovely skin. Ben loves it when she shakes, when she can’t control the reactions of her own body as he’s taking her. 

She looks beautiful in her dress, but Ben wants it off. With gentle hands and only _slightly_ trembling fingers, Ben undoes the back of her gown and lets it pool at her feet, walking around to see Rey standing with her eyes closed, full lips slightly parted. He can’t believe she wants him, that she lets him have her like this. It’s more than he could ever have hoped for, and far more than he deserves. While her eyes are still closed, Ben strips off his shirt and throws it to the floor, picking her up again as she wraps her legs around his waist, their eyes locked. She knows he doesn’t want to talk about his mother, about anything that’s happened or anything he’s done – he just wants her. 

Setting her down gently on the edge of the bed, Ben sinks down onto his knees before her, pressing gentle kisses to her golden skin, brushing his fingertips up her strong thighs. She’s the most glorious thing he’s ever seen. With coaxing but patient hands, he leads her to part her thighs for him, draping her legs over his shoulders and _kissing, biting, and licking_ at her legs until she’s mewling beneath him, her hands tugging on his hair with vigor. She’s impatient, always, but Ben doesn’t mind. It’s annoying, yes, but also endearing. 

“Ben,” She moans, the sound of his name coming from her lips sending a little arrow of pleasure shooting up Ben’s spine. He’s lost in her, his head between her thighs and pressing kisses to her legs like he’s worshipping her. He is. 

She’s guiding him closer, her hips wiggling beneath his hands. 

“Please,” She breathes. “Touch me, put your mouth on me, _something,”_ She begs. Now _that_ sounds like an idea. Ben waits until she’s stopped wiggling so much and leans in, letting his breath fan over her center, listening to her little whimper. Then he kisses her. Slow and deep, like he would kiss her mouth. She tastes divine, like the most wonderful dessert, and he’s drunk off her instantly. What urges him on is the way she moans and twists and grinds herself against his mouth. He craves those little sounds she makes, the way her body shudders with pleasure. He should feel powerful, having her so at his mercy like this, but it’s not quite that – having her like this makes Ben want to _give, give, give_ to her until she can’t take any more of him. He wants to make her shudder beneath him, wants to show her pleasure like she’s never known. Because that’s what she’s given him. 

Rey’s emotions roll of her body and project onto Ben, sheer ecstasy building in her body at a relentless pace as he dips his tongue deeper inside her, licking her gently before sucking at the little bundle of nerves that’s since become red and swollen. She comes with a shattering cry, her body quaking as he kisses her through it, her body trembling violently. 

“Oh, Ben,” Rey sighs, a lazy smile crossing her face when she finally regains her breathing and comes back down from her high, pulling Ben towards her. Ben can’t help but give her a little smile back. He can still taste her on his mouth. Rey tugs at his pants, but her hands fall back, her body still languid and boneless from pleasure. Ben slides them off as she moves further up the bed, keeping him between her legs. He has to stop himself from completely falling on top of her when she grabs his cock, working him in her hand. His answering moan makes her smile. It’s a lovely sight. 

“Rey,” He whispers, clenching his teeth together. Her touch feels so good, but he wants to come inside her. With a little sigh of happiness, Rey guides him into her and pulls him close. Ben wants to stay here forever, alone with her, inside her. He doesn’t need anything else. But too soon she’s nudging him to move so he lifts himself up, setting a rolling pace with his hips that has them both gasping, him gripping her hair in an attempt to hold onto sanity a little longer. “Fuck, Rey,” Ben breathes against her neck, the sound of her whimpering and begging and squirming against him threatening his every ounce of barely-there resolve. 

Without warning he pulls out of her and flips her over, pressing back into her as she turns into a puddle in his arms, reaching back to tug at his hair. He thrusts harder into her now, dizzy with the feeling of her body and _her._ She’s everything he wants. 

“Rey,” Ben says quietly, taking her jaw in his hand as he slows his thrusts and she nearly screams. “Do you regret this? Being with me, do you regret it?” He has to know, and he has to know _now,_ because he knows that in this moment she can be nothing but honest with him. 

“No,” Rey gasps. “I don’t, Ben. I don’t regret this,” She tells him, wiggling in his arms to turn, forcing him to pull out of her, much to his chagrin. Rey climbs on top of him, settling across his hips while he sits up against her, folding her into his arms as she sinks back down onto him. Her body is warm against his, an exquisite feeling. 

“I think I love you,” Ben whispers, half-hoping that maybe she hasn’t heard it. 

“Don’t tell me until you’re sure,” Rey says, a small, sweet smile gracing her lips as their bodies meet again and again and their moans mix together, heartbeats in sync. Their Force signatures are swimming, _erupting_ around them, like the whole universe is coming together as they are. Their souls are entwined and Ben’s pretty sure that they always have been, and will be long after they’re both gone. 

“Look at me,” He asks, taking Rey’s face in one hand and brushing his thumb over her cheek. Rey’s eyes are large and pleading and full of emotion that Ben feels like he’ll choke under her gaze like it’s thick smoke. Her gaze never leaves his – she fights to keep her eyes open as she comes, gripping onto him like a lifeline. 

“Come for me, Ben,” She’s crying, in the midst of her own orgasm. He can’t deny her a damn thing. 

Their breaths mix together as they stay, unmoving, for a long few minutes. Rey is wrapped around him like a vine, the earthquake slowly subsiding in both of their bodies after a while. Ben holds her tight. 

“I’m going to make this right, Rey. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do we feel about Ben's pov? We feelin' good?
> 
> Can you tell how much of a life i DO NOT have based on how fast im updating this? 
> 
> God, my poor boyfriend. I've drunk too much wine, goodness me.


	11. I Was Made For Loving You

Ben had told her that he was going to make it right. But she can’t think of how he plans to do that.

After he’d dropped her off at her ship with another sweet, passionate kiss, he’d lifted off and flown away with a look of resolve. Rey spent the rest of the night lying awake in her bed, thinking of Leia and of him and of Elissa and Aya. The compassionate nature of Rey’s heart longs to bring some sort of comfort to the young Queen, to bring Aya back to her somehow. She knows it’s not possible, but resolves to get Elissa talking about her more. Rey, selfishly, wants to hear more stories, but she also knows from her time with Finn early on in her adventure that talking about things helps sometimes. And Rey certainly felt better after talking to Elissa about Ben. 

Speak of the devil, Elissa knocks on Rey’s door with a quiet whisper of her name, just before the sun has begun to come up. Rey opens the door, smiling a little. It’s nice to have a close friend like this. She loves Finn and Poe, really, she does – but now she has a _girlfriend;_ something she’s always wanted. She likes Rose, Kaydel, and Jessica too, but they’re usually preoccupied and stick together, and Rey feels a little out of place with them. But Elissa? Now Rey really likes having her as a friend. Giggling a little, Elissa and Rey flop down onto the bed, the Queen’s hair back in a braid, long and dark brown. She looks even younger without all the cosmetics on her face, devoid of all the elaborate headpieces and dresses and clad in a simple nightgown and robe. 

“Rey,” Elissa begins seriously. “Did you bring Ben to see his mother?” Rey nods. 

“He asked to see her. I don’t think anyone saw us,” Rey tells her, fiddling with the beads hanging off of one of the decorative pillows on her bed. Elissa nods quietly. 

“Do you know what they spoke of?” Elissa questions, lying back on Rey’s bed with her head propped up on her hand.

“Ben apologized,” Rey says, trying to think back to the conversation. Elissa actually lets out a short little laugh, and Rey finds herself joining her the longer it goes on. “I suppose it’s about time,” Rey giggles, looking out onto the lake, the sun slowly rising over it. 

“Did he tell you anything else? I assume you two don’t do very much _talking_ when you’re together,” Elissa says, an evil little glint in her eye as she grins at Rey, who flushes a deep red. “But has he given you any sort of hints regarding the First Order’s plans?” Rey knows that this is purely a diplomatic question, but she’s realizing that besides the obvious, there’s nothing she can tell Elissa that the Queen doesn’t already know, so she shakes her head. 

“He told me that he would make things right. I don’t know how he plans to do that,” Rey tells her, shrugging a little. This shouldn’t frustrate her as much as it does. The first time she hasn’t been one step ahead of him and this is the only time she really _needs_ to be. Elissa doesn’t seem too worried though, so Rey lets herself relax and flops down next to her, staring up at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. 

“Do you want to hear a funny story?” Elissa asks suddenly, and Rey glances over at her with a smile. “When we were young, about thirteen maybe, Poe was first starting to work on BB-8. He enlisted Ben’s help, because Aya and I knew nothing about mechanics and Ben is actually quite good. But Ben was such an awkward, gangly teenager and he had ears too big for his head and this floppy hair, and he used to literally trip over himself, quite frequently. So, one day while they were working on BB-8, they’d just gotten his response system up and running, Ben accidentally kicked the poor thing, and it went on a rampage! Chased him through the whole base and Ben was running away, limbs flailing the whole time.” As Elissa tells the story, she begins laughing hysterically and Rey can’t help but join her, picturing a tall, all-limb teenage Ben, running away from little BB-8.

“Did Poe ever catch them?” Rey asks, and Elissa gives her a little nod. 

“Eventually, yes, after Ben had knocked over an entire tower of cans of fuel. You can imagine how happy Leia was about that,” Elissa says, her eyes squinting a little as if she’s remembering the scene in her head. 

“Your Majesty! Your Majesty!” Elissa is suddenly up from next to Rey and is rushing to the door, just in time for her advisor to come rushing in, out of breath. “Your Majesty,” He huffs out, as Elissa and Rey both stand expectantly. Rey doesn’t envy Elissa’s position – she couldn’t take being called upon like this at all hours of the day. “The First Order requests and audience with Senate, and with the Resistance.” 

Elissa turns to Rey, a strange sort of glint in her eye. Rey feels her face heat and nervousness crash over her. An audience? What could Ben possibly be planning? 

“Very well. Contact the First Order and invite them, then. And contact the Senate,” Elissa orders, and her advisor scurries away with a quick nod. “I wonder what Ben will have to say.” 

 

Rey walks with a disgruntled Finn and a downright _angry_ Poe, who is mumbling beneath his breath and clutching at his blaster like his life depends on it. He has barely spoken a word to Rey about the whole thing, as if he somehow suspects she has something to do with it. She can only hope that whatever Ben has to say to the Senate is going to be something good, otherwise she’s never going to hear the end of it. Ahead of them, Kaydel rolls Leia forward in a wheelchair. Leia, who insisted on attending the meeting even though Elissa and Poe both tried to convince her to stay in bed. Rey knows it’s only because her condition has worsened – and she’ll do anything to see her son one last time. They enter the round chamber room and take their seats, Rey nervously twisting her dress up in her hands and itching to have her lightsaber nearby. What if something doesn’t go as planned? 

Everyone rises when Elissa comes in, looking radiant in her gown and headdress and as stone-faced as a marble statue, followed closely by her handmaidens and advisors. The remaining members of the once grand, 2,000-member Senate trickle in, taking their seats around the circle with soft murmurs. Elissa makes ten members. 

Poe grabs Rey’s hand. 

“Whatever you know, and whatever it is he says, I want you to know that I trust you. But I do not trust him,” He growls, definitive in his words. But Poe’s trust in her is all Rey can ask for at the moment, so she squeezes his hand back and nods. 

Silence fills the room as the First Order enters, the Captain and the General, and finally, Ben. Outside there’s a ground of armed guards who Rey presumes aren’t allowed within the chamber. Everyone is devoid of weapons, even Poe, who had to give his up upon coming in. Even Ben is missing his signature cross guard lightsaber. Rey doesn’t miss the look he gives her as he walks in, eyes half hidden by his dark curls, but she sees. She always does. 

General Hux looks angrier than Rey has ever seen him, and she didn’t think that was possible. His face is slowly turning as red with rage as his hair, and Rey figures that he’s probably not on Ben’s side about whatever is about to happen. 

Elissa opens the meeting, standing and announcing to everyone their guests, the parameters of requesting to meet, and the rules of Council, none of which Rey _really_ gets. 

“Any show of hostility either through physical or verbal violence will be immediately apprehended, and you will be asked to leave. Negotiation is necessary, but slander nor rhetoric with the intent to intimidate, shall not be tolerated. If there are no outstanding remarks, we will begin,” Elissa says, retaking her seat as the General steps forward. Rey is listening, but she can’t take her eyes off of Ben, who’s fingers are clenching and unclenching against the armrest of his chair. He has on no mask nor gloves, and somehow those two things make him seem much less menacing. Rey knows exactly what he looks like underneath all those black robes, but no one else in the room would ever know that Ben not wearing his gloves is completely deliberate. He’s prepared to make some sort of deal. Their eyes lock from across the room and Rey swears she almost sees him smile.

“I am General Hux, Commander in Chief of the First Order’s military. We are here today on behalf of Supreme Leader Ren, who has a message for the Resistance,” Hux begins, looking angrier and angrier with each word he speaks. The silence is so thick, Rey is sure no one, including herself, is breathing. “The Supreme Leader requests,” Hux bristles, only to be cut off by Ben when he stands and steps past the General, into the middle of the circle. 

“I request a cease-fire with the Resistance. No surrender necessary, and the release of all First Order prisoners affiliated with the Galactic Senate, Republic, and Resistance.” Ripples go around the council, gasps, denoting disbelief. Rey’s jaw nearly hits the floor, and Ben’s eyes never leave hers. 

“Why the sudden change of heart, Supreme Leader?” The Queen asks, a hand held up to hush the crowd into silence. She points a look at Rey that makes her entire face heat up under the gaze of now _everyone_ in the room. 

“Supreme Leader Snoke is no longer in command. It’s time for a new era, and for the First Order to take a new path,” Ben states, his eyes following the same path Elissa’s had when she had looked at Rey. 

“And the First Order intends to usher in this new era?” Elissa questions, one eyebrow arched, creating a small wrinkle in her forehead that looks a little out of place. 

“Yes,” Ben states, solid in his response. 

“What are the parameters of the First Order’s request for a cease-fire?” One of the Senate members, a man Rey doesn’t recognize, asks. Ben takes a little breath as if to steel himself. 

“The First Order will cease all operations attempting to undermine the Resistance, as well as operations of military conquest over the Galaxy. In addition, the First Order will assist in helping to rebuild the Senate’s headquarters on Coruscant, after the wrongful destruction of Hosnian Prime,” Ben states, with a pointed look back at his General, who is glaring daggers into his leader’s skull. When he turns back around he doesn’t speak, simply looks from Elissa to Rey, as if waiting for one of them to give approval first. Rey thought being Supreme Leader would ruin Ben, would make him even more unbalanced and power hungry, but he’s proving to be just the opposite. He’s as calm as she’s ever seen him, his Force signature swimming peaceful around him. 

“Why should we trust that you will keep this promise when you never have before?” Elissa asks. 

“You have no reason to believe that I will,” Ben replies, shaking his head a little. “I’ll prove it,” He states. 

Rey chances to look over at Leia, who is smiling a little bit at her son. 

“I suppose the final decision will be up to General Organa,” Elissa says quietly, and everyone turns to look to the General, who is still looking fondly at her son. With a bit of a struggle and momentary protest from Poe, Leia rises from her seat and takes a few steps forward towards Ben. 

“My son,” Leia says quietly, holding out her hand to Ben. Rey can see the momentary hesitation that crosses his face, but then, he takes her outstretched hand and his eyes soften. In silence, Rey promises to him that the next time he holds his hand out to her, she will take it. “I accept.” 

A wave of murmurs passes through the room, some in denial, some joyous, some skeptical, but once again the sound is stopped by Queen Elissa. 

“I’m sure you know, Ben, the ground rules of a cease-fire as written by the Senate. The cease-fire will last for five years per the galactic standard calendar, and after that period of time the cease-fire will either be terminated or renegotiated for anywhere between one year to an infinite number of years. Both sides must agree not to take any offensive action against the other, and if action is taken, the cease-fire will be immediately terminated with no option for renegotiation for another five galactic years. Any accidental encounter or violation will not jeopardize the cease-fire, as long as it is agreed upon that the actions _were_ in fact, accidental, and mutual consultation will take place between the two parties and the Senate to diffuse the situation. Do both parties agree to these ground terms?” Elissa asks, moving from her perch in her chair to meet Ben and Leia in the middle of the floor. Mother and son both nod. “Then, the cease-fire begins tomorrow at dawn, with negotiation between the two parties and the Senate to immediately follow the conclusion of this meeting,” All the words seem to come out very fast, as if Elissa is relieved to say them. In fact, Rey thinks that she _looks_ relieved. For the first time since becoming Queen, she won’t be at war with a man she once called her friend. Rey is happy about that. In this moment, she’s happy about quite a few things. And what makes her especially happy, is the way that Ben is looking at her, even as she and the others leave the room. 

 

Rey is restless, more than she normally is, as she sits in the lounge room with Poe, Finn, Jessika, Rose, and Kaydel, who are all talking animatedly about their opinions on the council meeting and Kylo Ren’s sudden change of heart. They try to get Rey talking, but she feels somehow like that’s wrong, that she can’t say anything without being completely biased. So instead she paces around the room, and BB-8 is following her in little circles, trying to play a game. 

“Rey,” Finn says slowly. “You’re being uncharacteristically quiet about your thoughts on a certain Supreme Leader. Care to add?” He asks her, and she shoots him a soft glare. She’s already told him she doesn’t want to talk. Thankfully, she’s saved by a knock at the door, which turns out to be the Queen, followed closely by the topic of conversation. 

“Friends,” Elissa greets, walking in and taking a seat by Poe. 

“May I borrow Rey?” Ben asks, and she’s not sure if the question is for her or the other people in the room, but either way, he stares at her with those dark eyes that are annoyingly irresistible.

“No,” Poe growls quietly, but receives a knock on his shoulder from Kaydel, to which he only grimaces and looks away. Rey glances over at Finn just to check for the look on his face, and he seems calm enough, so she steps past Ben and out the door as he shuts it behind them. Without a word, Rey grabs Ben’s hand and begins to walk him down the hall. He follows quietly, one hand in hers and the other resting on her back, his fingertips fluttering ever so slightly. The palace is oddly quiet and Rey can’t thank the Force enough for that, especially since she’s about to sneak the Supreme Leader into her room. 

“Rey,” Ben says, the moment they’re behind a closed door and he can pull her close. 

“Ben,” She sighs, breathing him in. “Is this going to work, Ben? A cease-fire?” 

“It’ll work as long as I’m in command, which means that I have to get rid of Hux and nearly all of the First Order’s current officers,” Ben explains, pulling away from her to run a hand through his hair.

“Don’t kill them,” Rey says, to which Ben looks at her, utterly exasperated. 

“Rey! I don’t have a choice,” He states, an arm flailing wildly in the air. 

“Oh, stop that,” Rey snaps, walking forward to take his hand. “Lock them up, exile them, turn them over to the Senate for attempted mutiny but _do not_ kill them,” She pleads. The last thing she wants now is for him to be overcome again by darkness, just as everything is starting to shift in the right direction. 

“Why does it matter?” Ben asks, and Rey can see that it’s a serious question. Nothing will ever change the fact that if someone wrongs him, he’ll want to kill them; Rey has always known that.

“Because that’s not the way to make things right,” Rey tells him quietly, reaching up to cup his face in her hand, brushing her thumb along the scar that bisects his face. He’s beautiful, enthralling – half his mother and half his father and all him. Ben seems to accept her statement because he sighs a little and places his hand over Rey’s, turning his head to press a kiss to her palm. “How long are you here for?” Rey asks, not really sure if she wants to hear the answer. If she only has these few minutes with him she needs to know though, so she can make the most of them. 

“Just tonight,” Ben replies, the low rumble of his voice so quiet, but the words are so sensual in the way he delivers them that Rey finds her knees becoming weak. “And I’d like to spend it with you,” He tells her. 

Rey can’t think of anything better. 

As frightening as it is to admit that maybe this whole thing between them was never just about her giving into her loneliness or physical need or a way to escape her sadness, she knows that Elissa is right – this is without a doubt the most wonderful thing she’ll ever experience. She knows that Ben, regardless of whatever he feels for her or what she feels or doesn’t feel for him, has changed her. They’ve changed each other in some way, because beneath the lust and the passion and the desire they feel for each other there’s something entirely different. It’s obvious in the way he looks at her, when he’d told her he thought maybe he loved her. Rey knows that she’ll never really be able to forgive him for some of the things he’s done, but she also knows that if he needs her help to become what she knows he can be, she’ll never walk away from him. She won’t make the same mistake twice. 

Rey remembers the first night they spent together, when she insisted that it couldn’t happen again. And here they are now, Ben’s hands running through her hair from root to tip, pulling on the dark strands to mouth at her neck. She’s glad he didn’t listen to her, for once. 

“One of these days, I am going to _mark_ you, so that everyone will know you’re mine,” Ben growls quietly, his teeth grazing her pulse. There are a million ways she can think of that he could do just that, some less permanent than others. It wouldn’t matter to Rey at this point if no one knows or if everyone knows – because _she_ knows. She knows they belong to each other, and always have. 

Ben presses his lips against her neck again and drags them down, as if he’s trying to memorize the way her skin feels under his hands and mouth. He’s so slow, so precise about his kisses, finding the beat of her heart in the dip of her neck with his mouth and on the inside of her wrists with his long fingers, quickening under his touch. He smiles against her skin. 

Rey lets him pull her over to the bed, guiding her to lie back and sliding the fabric of her skirts up her legs to reveal her body, kissing everywhere his mouth can reach, until he’s back above her and kissing her lips. 

It frightens Rey how much she wants him. 

In these moments, he’s so _human,_ with warm skin and a thundering heartbeat and a wide mouth and strong hands. And Rey loves him like this. His muscles ripple under her touch as she urges him up to pull his clothing off, until she can touch all of his skin, press their chests together when he lifts her up and sets her down on his lap. His fingertips run hard down her back, and then in gentle strokes, he feels the ridges of her spine beneath the pads of his fingers. Rey’s body and mind are disconnected, her body reacting to him in ways that make her mind go numb with pleasure and her face blush fifty shades of crimson. When she grinds her hips down against his in an attempt to find some semblance of relief, of friction, he _moans_ low in his throat and Rey is sure the sound will haunt her dreams. His body is hard against her, in all ways possible, and part of Rey wants to rush and have the feeling of him inside her again and another part of her wants that precious _time;_ she wants that slow, lazy feeling of him touching her to last _forever._

Abruptly Ben’s movements halt and he pants against her lips, holding her gingerly as his forehead drops against hers. 

“What have you done to me?” He whispers, and Rey remembers when he said that once before, the first night. It seemed more innocent then, based more on pure pleasure. Who knows what she’s done to him now? What they’ve done to each other? “My whole life has changed, because of you,” Ben states, maneuvering with Rey still in his arms to lay her back, to watch his fingertips trace up her body. 

“Ben,” Rey whispers, unsure of where he’s going, only concerned with the feeling of him touching her. 

“I wanted with every rational part of me to hate you, to despise the mere _thought_ of being wrapped up in you but I couldn't. I couldn’t ever hate you, not from the moment I saw your face. I wanted you, had wanted you, _have_ wanted you all this time. I don’t want to hurt you, I want to bring you pleasure. Make you ache for me, to feel your body tremble beneath me not because I crave power, Rey, because I crave _you._ I want every piece of yourself that you’ll give me and I know I don’t deserve you in any way, but that will never, ever stop me from wanting you with every part of me,” He breathes against her skin, holding her close, lips brushing at the soft spot behind her ear. Rey’s face is flushed as if she’s just spent hours in the sun, and he’s so _tempting,_ with those beautiful words and that deep voice against her skin like a prayer. At the beginning, she had wished she had been strong enough to resist him. She should have been. But it doesn’t matter now. 

“Take me,” Rey whispers, the words out of her mouth before her brain has fully processed them. Ben practically tears the rest of the remaining fabric off her body, taking her leg and hooking it over his shoulder as he thrusts up into her with no preamble, both of them dizzy and moaning from pleasure. Rey presses kisses to his jaw, his face, his mouth, down his neck – everywhere her lips can reach without having to move too far away from him. She’s clinging to him like he’s her lifeline as he holds himself above her, one forearm rested against her head and one hand wrapped around her leg where it’s propped on his shoulder. Rey is whimpering, crying with desire and need and can’t stop herself from repeatedly gasping his name each time he rolls his hips into hers. She wants to do this, with him, for the rest of her life. 

A cool breeze comes off of the lake, the air cooling in the dying light but Rey and Ben don’t notice – they don’t notice anything save for each other. Their Bond is like a living thing between them, with a pulse, a heartbeat, twisting around them as they pleasure each other. He fills the empty spaces in Rey’s heart like she thought nothing and no one would ever be able to do. Ben shifts his body, taking Rey’s other leg to hook it over his shoulder and kneeling up a little, presses _deeper_ inside of her, and her hands flies out to still the movement of his hips. She has to turn her face into the pillow desperately trying to hide the flush settling over her face, to stifle the embarrassing whining noise she makes at the feeling of being so _full_ with him inside of her. 

_“Fuck,_ you are so beautiful, Rey. Look at me,” Ben breathes, lips brushing the inside of her knee. Pulling her face from its’ hiding spot, Rey looks up at him to find him staring at her as if she’s the brightest light in the galaxy. To him, maybe she is. Under his gaze, Rey finds herself relaxing, but he doesn’t move until she takes her hand off of his abdomen and then sets a slow, slow rolling pace that makes her pant and squirm. She can feel him as if he really is a part of her, surrounding her. In her veins. 

Leaning down, Ben reaches up to cup her face and presses their cheeks together, breath rushing over each other’s skin. It’s sweet, until his mouth moves down to her neck and he sucks hard on her pulse, the sensation causing her entire body to tingle as if she’s one frayed nerve ending. Digging her nails into his back in retaliation, Ben shudders violently against her, sucking in air through clenched teeth. 

She has him. Rey really, truly has him in every sense of the phrase. She has his body and his twisted mind and his crippling sorrow and his boundless love. She has every breath he takes in this moment, his expression twisted in over-sensitive rapture. She has a whole world in her palm. She has him. 

His steel arms wrap tighter around her and he reaches down, pressing gently at a spot just on her stomach that makes stars explode behind her eyes and it feels violent, the way the feeling overtakes her.

The only thing that brings her back is Ben’s fingertips fluttering over her shoulder blade as she tries not to gasp in air, Ben’s heavy body keeping her warm against the cooling air as they lay quietly together. His touch is gentle as the aftershocks of their togetherness quakes through Rey, and her mind gradually quiets, enjoying the feeling of him holding her tight. 

As promised, they spend the night together, never leaving her room. Elissa sends food in with a note around dinnertime, and they enjoy it together, and Rey enjoys the smile on Ben’s face. A real smile, one that makes his eyes crinkle around the corners. And she’s happy. 

Ben wakes her up in the middle of the night with soft touches, kisses that coax her body to arousal faster than she wants to admit. They glow, the room awash in nothing but the light of the moons. He whispers to her that he’s going to be worthy of her somehow, that he belongs to her, that he needs her. 

They make love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points to anyone who can figure out where the chapter titles are coming from! 
> 
> I ran out of wine and now I'm drinking tequila, but that's slowly diminishing so more bonus points to anyone who wants to venmo me money for more wine, HAH!
> 
> Another chapter from Ben's pov? Yes? No? Maybe? 
> 
> I will forewarn you - the next one will be sad. 
> 
> Love you all! <3


	12. A life with love is a life that’s been lived

Ben is so reluctant to leave Rey where she lies in the bed, sheets falling around her naked body and hair tousled with sleep and looking so, so beautiful with that smatter of freckles across her nose and on her shoulders, decorating her skin. She watches him through half closed eyes as he dresses, slowly, wanting to drag these last moments out. Ben thinks of all the things that could happen now – Hux will stage a mutiny, that’s nearly inevitable. His mother is dying, but the Resistance and First Order have a treaty of peace, and for now, that’s really the best he can do. 

“Ben,” Rey whispers, shifting under the sheets to extend her hand to him. He smiles a little bit. He wishes she hadn’t rejected his offer the first time around on the _Supremacy,_ and they could have done all this together, but all things considered, he’s got her anyway. By some miracle, she’s his. They could be together after all this is over, happily – they could move to a lake, or a forest, or anywhere Rey wants to go. Anywhere green, he figures. She’s had enough of sand and cold, he wants to give her the perfect kind of warmth. He’ll give her anything, if she’d ask. Every diamond and gem and pearl in the galaxy, anything in his power. An entire planet. A system. 

A family. 

He’s lost in his thoughts that he barely notices that she’s sat up in bed and pulled him towards her, brushing her hands through his hair. 

“Ben,” She coos, her voice soft and buttery, heating up his blood with the sound. He presses his lips to her temple, memorizing the feel of her skin beneath his fingertips when he runs them down her back. They’d slept together through their bond that night in front of the fire, but it was nothing compared to _really_ sleeping next to her, actually feeling the weight of her in his arms and pulling her closer whenever he wanted. 

Nothing, compared to being able to wake up in the middle of the night and make love to her. 

“See your mother before you leave,” Rey says quietly, and Ben nods. He knows he should, and he will. He’s just terrified that this will be the last time he sees his mother’s lovely, wise face. Rey must feel the grief inside of him, because she rubs a hand over his chest and kisses him sweetly. “It’ll be okay, Ben,” She says. He believes her. 

She can’t tell him when they’ll see each other again, and neither can he. Both just hope that it’s soon. 

Because now he’s got a _lot_ of work to do. 

“Be safe,” Rey pleads, her arms around him, both of them denying the inevitability of him having to leave, as the sun is slipping higher up in the sky.

“I promise,” Ben whispers back, gathering her face in his hands and pressing a deep kiss to her mouth before reluctantly pulling from her grasp and leaving, but not before glancing back at a smiling Rey. 

He loves her, he’s sure of it. 

Ben doesn’t pass anyone on his way to his mother’s room, and with a quick knock on her door he walks in to find her sitting outside on the balcony, in a chair. He approaches quietly. It’s been so many years since he’s sat with his mother, been next to her. Besides the first night he visited her, he hasn’t had a normal conversation with her since before he left for training with Luke. His mother smiles when she sees him. 

“My Ben,” She says quietly, holding her hand out as he kneels at her feet. “I’m proud of you,” Leia tells him, brushing his hair back with her frail hand. 

“I didn’t do it alone,” He admits, shaking his head a little. 

“You didn’t have to,” Leia states, taking both of his hands in her own. “Neither of you should ever be alone again. Don’t mess this up, Ben,” She says sternly, wagging a finger at him. 

“I’m trying,” He tells her honestly, with a little sigh. Leia only nods. 

“What will you do about your officers? They don’t agree with your decision of a cease-fire, I presume,” She asks. 

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll have to get rid of them somehow, otherwise they’ll be in my way every step I take,” He tells her, studying her hands in his, thumbing over the ring that she’s worn his whole life. A singular band made of Alderaanian silver. 

“Do what’s right, Ben. That’s all I ask,” Leia says, leaning forward to kiss his head. He can’t help it when his eyes prick with hot tears. “And don’t kill them. I’m sure Rey asked you the same thing already,” Damn these women in his life that are always three steps ahead of him, and somehow always on the same page as each other. 

“She did,” He chokes out, clearing his throat with a cough. 

“Talk to me, Ben. You and Rey?” It’s half a question, half a command. Ben would love to know how to answer her. He and Rey? What are they? 

Ben and Rey. That’s such a nice sound, that he can’t help but smile. 

“Rey and I,” He repeats, sitting back and crossing his legs, a son talking to his mother. What a strange few days. “She’s beautiful,” Ben says absently, and Leia lets out a musical, pealing laugh.

“Now that, no one is denying,” She states. “How did it begin?” 

“The Force connected us, after Starkiller Base. We started showing up in each other’s space,” Ben begins, twisting the ring around on his mother’s finger for something to do with his hands. He used to be a very restless child, always tinkering with something, very unbalanced and uneasy. Leia used to give him little things to fiddle with – rings, keys, harmless tools, and the fidgeting only began to calm when he started training with Luke. He finds himself still doing things like this, especially in meeting. And when he’s with Rey, well, there’s plenty of things to do with his hands. But he likes running his fingers through her soft hair the most. 

“You mean, you could see each other?” Leia asks. 

“Yes. Across the galaxy sometimes, and she’s as real as you are in front of me. Snoke tried to tell us it was him who bridged our minds together, but then after his death the connection was still there. And we can project thoughts to each other,” Ben explains, and Leia looks genuinely amazed. It is pretty amazing, Ben supposes. 

“That’s,” His mother begins. “That’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before. It’s as though the Force wants you to be together,” Ben can only shrug at that. “I knew something had happened the moment she came back with the Falcon. I looked at her and I knew that her heart was breaking in a way that she’d never experienced before,” A flood of guilt takes over Ben’s body, a feeling almost foreign. He hasn’t felt all these emotions in so long, he’s afraid that his mind or his body is going to crack with the weight of them. Leia looks skeptical for a moment. “Snoke. It was you, wasn’t it?” 

“Yes, I killed him,” Ben says quietly. 

“Why?”

“He was going to hurt Rey,” He states, and Leia grins. 

“Let me get this straight – a man whom you followed your entire life was going to hurt a girl you’ve known for not nearly a year, and you decide you’re going to kill him?” She’s laughing, and Ben can’t help but find it funny too when she puts it that way. 

“She gives me strength,” Ben admits softly, looking up at his mother to see her smiling softly. 

“She’s freed you. Chains are still chains, no matter how they look,” Leia tells him, touching his scar gently. She’s right. Ben couldn’t let Snoke hurt Rey, that’s true, but it was in that moment that Ben also chose himself. Snoke did have him on chains, nothing Ben ever did, no matter how closely he followed orders, was ever good enough and he took the punishment for that. Ben has spent a long time unable to tell the difference between his own thoughts and those that Snoke put into his head, abused him into believing. Convinced that no one in the galaxy gave a _damn_ about him but Snoke, Ben was none the wiser to his abuse. Physical and mental. The scars that cover his body aren’t all from battles, and he dreads the day that Rey decides to ask about them. He doesn’t think he’ll have the heart to tell her. Her own compassion was created, a product of a lifetime of pain, of loneliness, and he never wants to contribute to the hardening of her heart in any way again. Rey was right about the mask he wore, in telling him to take it off the first time they met. She wanted to see a human speaking to her. Snoke had made him wear it from when he was very young, only to tell him to get rid of it later; Ben could never keep his emotion off of his face, and he figures maybe that’s why Rey finally decided to trust him. He can’t lie to her, but his eyes are even worse liars than his mouth is. 

Ben enjoys the feeling, of his mother’s touch for the first time since he was small, it seems. The moment is over however, when Leia breaks into a fit of coughing that wracks her whole body and Ben shoots up, trying to keep her upright. When he opens his mouth to call for someone, she vigorously shakes her head. 

“Mom,” He whispers, placing his forehead against their encased hands, holding tight. This is his punishment. Losing one of the only people he loves, just as he’s finally come to his senses. She hushes him quietly, carding her hands through his hair. Ben kneels before her for a long while, a silent prayer of forgiveness, even just a little bit. 

“It’s time, Ben. You have a regime to rule,” She says, and there’s a hint of that Leia-esque sarcasm in her voice that Ben remembers frequently being directed at Han Solo. He stands with a small smirk, nodding at his mother. “I regret I won’t be able to see your wedding,” Leia says, so quick he almost doesn’t catch it. Ben starts to correct her, ask her what she means, but she only gives him a wink and he recognizes that as his cue. Leia Organa may be older and frailer than she has ever been, but the fire that his mother possesses will never die, not until she does. There was nothing more terrifying to him as a child than being scolded by this woman. 

“I love you, Mom,” He says quietly, the words foreign in their sincerity. Leia nods. 

“I know,” She whispers. 

As Ben is walking out the door, he hears his mother tell him she loves him, too. 

Rey watches from the balcony as Ben’s ship leaves the hangar, a black mass flying quickly out of Naboo’s atmosphere. She’s caught in her thoughts and hardly notices when Poe, Finn, and Rose burst into her room, Poe exclaiming loudly about something. She jumps at the sound, clutching at her robe to keep herself covered, since she hasn’t actually gotten dressed yet. 

“Alright,” Poe begins sternly, waving a finger in her direction. “Tell us what’s going on. How long have you been sleeping with him?” Rey feels her face flush red. She knew they would probably find out eventually – it’s not a very easy thing to keep secret, especially with friends who love to stick their noses into her every piece of business. She can’t help but be annoyed by it; she’s never experienced it before. 

“We’re not,” She tries, but Poe tsks at her the moment it comes out of her mouth. 

“You expect me to believe that Kylo Ren just up and _decided_ that it was time to stop being such a dick and call a cease-fire with the Resistance? Rey, we saw the way he was looking at you. Now either he’s exactly as creepy obsessive as I imagine he can be or you are reciprocating feelings, and he’s not afraid to be obvious about the fact that you’re banging!” 

“Poe!” Rose snaps. “We talked about being gentle,” She states, as if trying to diffuse their friend’s temper. Rey shoots her a grateful glance. 

“It’s none of your concern,” Rey tries, but he only laughs, now madder than before. 

“Rey, that man is a monster, and you are deluding yourself by thinking that he’s not! You’re lucky you’re not dead,” He hisses, too close to her face for comfort. 

Without thinking about it, the back of Rey’s hand connects with his face. 

“You are too self-righteous for your own good, Poe. It is _not_ your place to tell people who they can and cannot love, the same as it’s not possible to _choose_ who we love and who we don’t. So, save your breath by insulting me for making a decision that was of my own volition!” Rey snaps at him, and all of the color seems to drain from Poe’s face. 

“But Rey, how can you do that knowing what he’s done? What he’s done to us, the people you love,” He asks, quieter now. Rey feels tears prick at her eyes. 

“Because I have no control over it. The Force bridged our minds together and I had no choice in the matter. I don’t forgive him Poe, and I never will, but I don’t hate him. And my faith in him wasn’t misplaced – you saw what he did. And if it’s only because of me, is that such a terrible thing? The First Order called a cease-fire with the Resistance for the first time ever, and for once we do not have to fight each other in a war we had very slim chance of winning,” Rey says, stepping forward to take Poe’s hand in her own. “You don’t have to trust him, ever, but trust me – you said you do. Trust me, because I trust him and know that everything is going to be fine,” She pleads, trying to find some sort of crack in Poe’s steely armor. His eyes are slowly softening. Out of the corner of Rey’s eye, she sees Rose smiling a little bit. 

“Fine,” Poe huffs finally. “Fine, just, please tell me you’re not pregnant because I can’t take that right now,” He states, waving a hand around wildly as if to show his utter distress. It’s Rose who laughs first, as Rey shakes her head. 

“No, Poe. I’m not,” She’s not. Right? 

“How long has Elissa known about this?” Poe asks. 

“A few weeks,” She tells him, and he gives an exasperated eye roll. 

“That woman knows everything! She gets everything out of everyone!” Rey doesn’t want to tell him exactly how Elissa manages to do that. 

Rey spends the rest of her day on the balcony with Leia, the older woman giving her little pieces of wisdom and when Elissa arrives from her meetings, imparting a few funny stories about the early days of the Rebellion on them. It’s nice, Rey thinks, to be at peace like this. Leia, despite her rapidly deteriorating health, is in good spirits. She wonders vaguely what she and Ben talked about before he left. 

Elissa has since left and Rey has dozed off when she’s awoken by something quiet, a tug in the Force that she can’t explain. She looks around wildly, but it’s not Ben. No, it’s Luke. 

She’d read in one of the old books about the way that Jedi could manifest themselves into ghosts with the Force after their death, but it was one of those things that she took with a grain of salt. She never thought it could really happen, but she won’t lie and say that she hadn’t thought about Luke possibly appearing. Hoped he would, actually. 

“Rey,” He says quietly, shimmering a little in the dying light outside. “It’s time.” 

“What? No!” Rey hisses, taking Leia’s hand in her own. She’s smiling a little in her sleep, and Rey realizes she can do nothing but hold her hand while she takes her last few breaths. Luke fades away, just as Leia’s Force signature putters out. A peaceful, soft feeling, like warm wind through a sea of flowers. 

A wave of grief hits her and she can’t stop her tears when they come, sobbing into her arm as the med droids and Elissa and Poe come flying in. But there’s nothing for anyone to do now. She’s reluctantly pulled away by Elissa and the Queen slides to the ground next to her, Poe joining them after a moment, and they cry together. 

Lightyears away, Ben grips at his chest as he’s hit with a shift in the Force, the feeling seemingly so sudden, but so oddly peaceful. And he knows immediately what’s happened. 

“Pardon me,” He says gruffly, standing from the conference room table where he’s sitting with the officers and making his way back to his quarters, unsure if he’s thinking anything at all. His feet are carrying him, he knows that, but everything else is a blur. The people, the droids, the surroundings – it all looks the same color to him. When he reaches his room and the door shuts behind him, his lightsaber is already in his hand, ignited, ready to slash the first thing that can be replaced. He hears Rey’s voice in his head, asking him in a memory to find balance, but he can’t. He jams his saber at the half-glass door that separates the outer room from the closet, slicing through the glass, but that’s not satisfying enough. He screams with rage, with sadness, swinging at the breaking glass with his fist until it shatters and his knuckle is bleeding. With shuddering breaths, he sinks to his knees, head falling just like his hot tears down his face. 

His mother is gone, he’s lost her forever, after he just got her back. 

And it’s not for selfish reasons that he weeps, no. It’s his guilt, that he caused so much pain in his mother’s life up until just a few days ago and that Leia, kind as she is, spoke to him again like he hadn’t committed the many crimes he had. Like he was still her son. 

He always will be. Ben supposes that’s really not an awful thing. 

Ben weeps not because he misses her, he does and always will, but because she’s safe, and he finds a little bit of contentment in that. 

 

Ripples go through the crowd, little bouts of silences as Ben comes through, trying to avoid everyone’s eyes as he makes his way to the gazebo over the water. It’s a futile attempt to seem invisible though, because everyone’s attention is on him. He can see Rey and tell that she wants to move forward, to run to him, and he wishes that she could. Ben really wishes that he could fall to his knees in her arms, to hold her and stay there until his grief, which overwhelms both of them, passes. 

He makes his way up the steps and the Queen nods at him, allowing him access. Rey grabs Poe by the arm to pull him back when he takes a step towards Ben, a hand already on his blaster. 

“Poe,” Rey growls, the pilot’s name a warning as she steps in front of him. “Stop.”

“He shouldn’t be here. He didn’t love her, he doesn’t deserve to be here,” Poe snaps, trying to pull his arms from Rey’s grasp. Ben knows from experience how strong that girl is, despite her tiny stature, and she yanks hard on Poe’s arm and effectively stops him from going anywhere. 

“He has every right to be here, Poe. It’s his mother. He did love her and you know he did,” Rey hisses, trying to keep her voice down to avoid the scene that’s quickly being made. 

“Bullshit. Someone get him out of her,” Poe says, waving an arm back at the guards that let Ben in. 

“Listen to yourself! You sound like a child. You are not the only one who loved Leia,” Rey snaps at him, pressing him back with a hand to his chest. Apparently ready to listen to reason, Poe steps back and goes quiet, but never stops glaring. Ben begins to move forward again, slowly, not wanting to disturb Poe again. He’s not here to fight. 

Rey looks genuinely surprised when he steps closer, moving to stand right next to her. She’s beautiful in her black cloak, hair pulled back, and even with puffy eyes she’s stunning. Ben can feel the heat radiating off of her body and he wants to pull her in close, so they can get through this together. He settles instead for grabbing her hand on the inside of her cloak, hiding the gesture from sight. 

He can feel her trying to project some sort of peace onto him as he stands rigid, heartbroken. He appreciates her effort, but she’s upset too, and there’s nothing they can do but hold onto each other. A hush goes over the crowd as the casket containing his mother’s body begins to float down. 

They’ve dressed her in a blue gown, her hair in her two signature buns, woven with water flowers. She looks beautiful, peaceful – her eyes closed to the galaxy forever, to the people she’s done so much for. Rey whimpers beside Ben, her eyes filling with more tears even as they stream down her face. 

Caution to the fucking wind. 

Ben wraps an arm around her and pulls her close, cradling her head where she presses it to his chest and cries. Elissa catches Ben’s eye and gives him a sad smile. She should have Aya next to her, comforting her in the way that Ben gets to comfort Rey, and she him. He’s never going to take that for granted. 

There are a few looks, but only really from Rey’s friends and a few of the Senate members, as Rey and Ben stand with arms around each other. 

The candles that the crowd holds look like little stars in the darkness of Naboo, the light of the moons making Leia’s hair glow silver. 

“Ben,” Elissa whispers from nearby, and walks over to hand him a flower, one identical to the ones Poe, Rey, and the rest of the members of the Resistance hold. Poe is the first to move forward, placing the blue flower next to Leia’s shoulder and quietly leaning forward to kiss her head. Poe was a better son to Leia than Ben had been, he can’t deny that, nor can he hate him for it. With a little sigh, Poe waves Ben forward. 

Two men who used to be as close as brothers, torn apart by one’s destructive path, stand next to each other once again as Ben places the flower next to his mother. Tears threaten to obstruct his gaze as he looks at his mother for the last time. But then, Rey is beside him, the only thing in the universe that can bring him peace, and she takes his hand as she sets the flower down. 

One by one, the remaining members of the Resistance place their flowers around Leia’s body, decorating the inside of the casket with light blue petals – and their love. 

Ben takes Rey’s hand again as they close their circle around Leia’s body and the Queen takes a candle, lighting the end of Leia’s dress. Ben watches it go up in flames, a strange sense of peace coming over him. When he looks up, he sees Luke, standing next to Elissa, unseen by anyone but Ben and Rey. Ben nudges her gently and nods his head a little, seeing her give a little smile out of the corner of his eye. His uncle smiles. 

When the fire burns out and all that’s left are ashes, the air is cold in the open temple but kept a little warmer by the amount of people surrounding it. Elissa steps forward with two glass jars, filling them both with ashes before walking over to Ben to hand them to him. 

“You’re her son,” Elissa says quietly. “Lay her to rest.” 

Ben takes the jars from her, his heart pounding in his chest. Truthfully, this is exactly what he didn’t want. He didn’t want to be involved in this in any way, he just wanted to quietly mourn his mother. Ben was never that good at being in the spotlight, not like she was. Rey gives his back a little nudge, but to Ben this doesn’t seem right. 

He turns and hands a jar to Poe, who’s jaw is locked as he tries not to cry. Poe takes it with a curt, grateful nod and together they descend the stairs to the bridge, where a gap has already been made in the crowd. A silent understanding passes between them as they tip the jars and empty the ashes into the rushing Solleu River, and Ben watches as the water plunges off of the cliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha
> 
> AH
> 
> That's all.


	13. To The Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUYS so sorry I've been MIA! Classes are back in swing and I've had zero time but here it is, it's short but more will be coming tonight or tomorrow! <3

It’s late when Rey finally locates him through the mass of people still on the bridge, mourning the former Alderaanian Princess. She has been steadily crying all night – she can’t help it. She thought she would break into sobs if it weren’t for Elissa’s hand replacing Ben’s when he’d given the second urn to Poe to throw the ashes over the bridge and into the water. Poe had looked taken aback but hadn’t seemed angry, in fact, he almost looked relieved. Ben and Poe had shared a very curt, quick handshake after that, and Rey only had to look away for a moment, and then Ben had disappeared. She tried to reach out through their Bond but he shut her out, quietly, not angrily, but shut her out nonetheless. 

She supposed she understood – he was heartbroken, and Rey wasn’t sure she was enough to give him comfort, that he’d even want it in the first place. He had tucked her into his side during the ceremony despite the prying eyes of the crowd, and her cheeks had burned like she was back in the desert. It felt right, to be pressed near him like that in such a moment, but then the staring made it feel wrong. Like they were breaking a rule. Which they are, she figures.

Rey wanders around the crowd in the center of Naboo, keeping her head down and her dark hood up as she searches for any sign of her vanished lover. She hopes he hasn’t left yet and doesn’t think he has, but Rey wants to catch him before he does. After twenty minutes of searching through the city, she finds him standing by the water ship docks, right on the lake. Rey moves forward quietly, a little afraid of startling him into the water, since his toes are hanging off the edge. 

“You look beautiful,” Ben tells her quietly, never turning around. Rey reaches a hand up to finger the dark strands of hair that have popped out of the bun on top of her head. 

“Ben,” She says quietly, willing him to turn around or to step towards her or something, _anything,_ so that she can reach out to him. 

“Hux has already begun his plans to overthrow me,” Ben states, the quick change in subject almost shocking Rey, but she knows him, and she knows when he doesn’t want to talk about the real issue at hand. 

“And what will you do?” Rey asks, taking a tentative step towards him. 

“I suppose I’ll wait and see what he does first. He doesn’t think I know,” Ben states, locking his hands behind his back to turn and face Rey. In that moment, with the moonlight behind him, he looks as frightening as he does beautiful. 

“The first ship with the Order’s prisoner’s is supposed to arrive tomorrow. Will it be here?” Rey asks, and Ben quirks his lips up in the ghost of a smirk, more menacing than anything. 

“By my orders it should be,” He states, and that makes Rey think that he’s having some major trust issues with his officers. Which wouldn’t be surprising in the slightest. Just like there are members of the Senate that currently still despise him, and rightfully so, there must be a number of First Order officers that view him as a traitor for signing an order for a cease-fire with the Resistance. “Come,” Ben says suddenly, taking Rey’s hand and quietly leading her back towards the city. “I have one night here, and you know I want to spend it with you.” 

Rey isn’t sure how this happened. Well, that’s a lie, she knows _exactly_ how it happened. Her traitorous heart made her fall for a dangerous man with a charming, private smile just for her and hands that do wondrous things to her body. She doesn’t quite know, however, how they ended up like this. Entangled together in sheets and limbs wrapped around each other as they lie naked in her bed in the dark, catching their breath together, holding hands. How can a man that made the whole galaxy fear him in a few short years make Rey feel so safe? 

Perhaps there’s part of her that’s holding on to a more sinister part of this – her desire to feel needed, loved, and _wanted,_ most of all. All she’s wanted her whole life was for someone to want her, to want to come back to her. And now she’s found that in Ben, but is that all this is? Is that all love is? 

Ben senses turmoil in her head and reaches over to brush her hair from her temple, rolling over to pull her closer. 

“What is it?” He asks quietly, nuzzling her neck as he asks. 

“Is this love?” She blurts out, her mouth moving before her head has really processed the words. Ben stops moving and pulls back to look at her, serious. His eyes are dark but shining with light, looking down at Rey in a way that makes her go spineless. 

“It is if you want it to be,” He replies softly, rubbing a soothing little circle on her hip, as if afraid to move any further or else she’ll throw him off. “Love is not easily definable, Rey, you know that. It’s different for everyone,” Ben tells her, studying her eyes. 

“Does this love have a future?” She questions, feeling the tears well up in her eyes even though she’s willing them not to. Ben huffs a little, shutting his eyes for a moment. 

“Again, Rey, do you want it to?” He asks, and she finds that she can’t answer. Yes, she does want Ben in her future. But how? How do they do this when they’re still on opposite sides, unwilling to move? “If the answer is no, Rey, please tell me now and save me even more heartbreak,” Ben cracks out, running a hand through his hair, mused from her fingers running through it. 

“I do,” Rey says, and Ben starts, as if those words falling from her mouth mean something different. 

“You, what?” Ben breathes, and Rey can feel the way his heartbeat speeds up a little in his chest. 

“Want a future with you,” She says quickly, the look on his face giving every thought he has away in that moment, and she’d know even if she couldn’t hear his thoughts in her own head. “I just don’t know what it’ll be,” Rey tells him.

“Me neither, Rey. But I know I want it with you.” 

Ben stands outside on the garden balcony waiting for the Queen, having left Rey half asleep in her bed with a promise to return soon. Elissa emerges from the palace and walks over, looking deep in thought as she approaches him. 

“They think you’re a traitor,” She picks the thought out from his head with no effort, and he hardly even feels it. Ben nods. 

“And they’re going to try to sabotage the cease-fire,” He tells her. It’s been years since he’s asked Elissa for advice. She’s always been a wealth of knowledge, and the only one able to keep up with his book smarts in their studies. Perhaps it was her strange upbringing, but Ben knows that Elissa has a better view of the world than most, and with his mother gone, she’s the one he finds himself needing advice from. 

“What should I do?” He asks plainly. No sense in beating around the bush looking for her to come up with answers to his odd questions in an attempt to seem like he has all of this more in control than he actually does. Elissa smiles just a little bit. 

“You mean you don’t have a plan?” She jokes, and Ben rolls his eyes. “You have to intercept them, but don’t let them know you know. Bring them all here, under the pretense of a meeting with the Senate. Your General was the only one with you last time; bring them all, so we can put them on the same page. We can call the meeting for today, if you act fast. That way, we give the ships carrying the prisoners time to get on-world and we can stop them in their tracks. How loyal is your army to its’ officers?” Elissa asks. Ben hears “the same page” as “the same cell”. Well, at least, that’s what it would be if he had his way. 

“It’s hard to tell. Morale since the cease-fire was announced is up, but who knows. They’ve been tortured into submission,” Ben tells her. 

“So, if given the opportunity, do you believe they’d turn against their superiors?” Elissa questions, leaning forward to look out onto the lake. Ben shrugs. 

“A facet of my work I don’t really understand, to be honest. I’m sure you’ve met Rey’s friend who defected, but I don’t know how many others would if given the right circumstance,” Ben runs a nervous hand through his hair. He has to make this work somehow, and everyone is making it difficult. Elissa only nods at him, thinking. 

“Call your officers. I’ll speak with Finn, send him to meet the prisoner’s ships. Perhaps a physical reminder of defiance is what they’ll need to see, assuming your General will set them up to sabotage the release anyway. Our one consolation is that the ships will be leaving with Republic personnel.” 

“If you think that will stop them, Elissa, you’re wrong,” Ben warns, turning to face her. She glares up at him. 

“Ben Solo, I know what the First Order is capable of. Do you think I sent men and women onto those ships unarmed and without a backup plan?” She questions, arms crossed over her chest. Ben is baffled by her, always has been. She reminds him so much of Rey, with her short stature and shockingly commanding voice. But, thus is the characteristics of a Queen. And if there’s any credit he can give to Elissa, it’s that she’s a damn good ruler. 

“I would never think of doubting you, El,” Ben states, giving her a little smile. Elissa returns his nod and turns on her heel, so he follows her through the garden and back to the palace. 

“I do prefer not fighting with you, Ben. Always have,” She says, glancing up at him. “Now, make your call and then go back to Rey. The fight can wait til morning.” 

When Ben crawls back into bed with Rey, it’s just beginning to get light out. She wakes with a little sigh at his kiss, curling up into him like a cat in the sunlight. His heart hurts looking at her, but it’s a good kind of hurt. A mending, being-put-back-together kind of ache. He brushes her hair from her face and kisses her gently, coaxing her awake with his kiss. Rey slinks her arms around him and pulls him close. 

“Where’d you go?” She asks sleepily. 

“To speak with Elissa,” Ben tells her, tracing the pop of her hipbone. 

“The prisoners arrive today, don’t they?” Rey asks, and Ben nods absently, looking out on the lake. “Ben, you’re doing the right thing.” She tells him, taking his face in her small hand and giving him a little smile. 

“I hope so, Rey.” 

 

Hux and the rest of Ben’s officers arrive looking exactly as angry as he thought they would. The General does seem to have a permanent scowl on his face, but it’s even fiercer given the time of day and his sudden invitation (command) from his Supreme Leader to meet the Queen and the rest of the Senate on Naboo. When they walk in, Ben feels the anger flare up inside of him almost immediately, and he itches to choke Hux until his face purples.

“Ren, would you care to tell us why we’re here? There is work to be done,” Hux bristles, and Ben finds himself smiling. 

“If by work you mean attempted mutiny,” Ben quips, only to see Hux’s face turn red and angry as Elissa attempts to hide a smile. Rey is staring at him from behind Elissa, eyes pleading that he be patient and refrain from doing anything rash. He’d love to push his hands into her hair and kiss her, tell her to trust him, but he’s not so sure he can keep that promise if he were to make it, especially considering the way Hux is glaring at him. There are so many things Ben could be doing right now that would be much more enjoyable than this. 

“Supreme Leader, I do not know what rumors you have heard, but I assure you that I am loyal,” Ben cuts Hux off with a wave of his hand. 

“Save your breath, General,” He hisses, and Elissa waves forward one of the rogue Stormtroopers they captured this morning when she sent men to intercept Hux’s plan to sabotage the prisoner return. 

“Your army is very forthcoming with information, General,” Elissa states. Ben knows he should be trying to keep the smirk off his face, but he can’t find it in himself. It’s just too funny to see Hux squirm like a child under the gaze of his leader and the Queen. Ben knew all along that Hux would stage a mutiny and really, he’d been smart and quiet about it. If it were anyone else, he may have gotten away with it. But Ben knows him and knows his tricks, and it wasn’t too hard to corner a few of the ‘troopers and extract some of his own information. He probably didn’t even need to do that – he peered into a few of their minds and knew immediately what Hux had planned. It’s a good thing he pays attention to rank, and it’s especially good that no one notices that he does. 

“Are you going to dispute these claims?” Ben asks, cocking his head at the General. Hux opens his mouth as if he’s going to, lips opening and closing like a fish. 

“General, if you dispute these claims against you and the Senate finds that you or your officers are lying, you will be in more trouble than it’s worth,” Elissa tells him. 

“He did it! He planned to stage the mutiny and crash the prisoner’s ships with our own men on them, Supreme Leader,” Ben knew that Captain Meday would be the first to crack. Having known him for a number of years, Ben is surprised he even decided to side with Hux in the first place, since he’s known throughout the First Order for being unable to keep a secret. Ben looks at Hux.

“Is this true?” He questions quietly. Armitage’s lack of an answer tells Ben everything he needs to know. Ben nods to Elissa.

“General, you and your officers will be tried as war criminals, since you’ve prematurely admitted to conspiring against not only your leader, but the Galactic Republic as well, and attempted to sabotage a cease-fire,” Elissa snaps, angrier than Ben has ever remembered seeing her. Maybe she doesn’t like red-heads. 

“If they cannot be controlled, perhaps there is a leadership problem,” One of the Senators, Rahn, to Elissa’s right speaks. Ben shoots a glare over as Hux laughs. This is the last thing he needs right now. Hux laughs. 

“Yes, Ren, is there a leadership issue? Considering our Supreme Leader is a traitor who’s been fucking that little bitch, I’d say there is,” Hux spits, pointing a finger at Rey, and all the color drains from her face. Poe stands immediately from his seat, ready to defend Rey, even though he’s missing a blaster, but no one around them really looks shocked. Did everyone know? Ben wouldn’t be surprised if they did. Past the first Senate meeting Ben attended, they hadn’t exactly been discreet. 

Elissa silences the crowd with a hand up. 

“Kylo Ren’s personal relationship are of none of the Senate’s concern, nor do they have anything to do with your attempted mutiny, both against Ren and the Republic,” Elissa growls, and Ben is grateful for her support, but this is his fight. Hux has been against him from the beginning, and neither Ben nor the rest of the galaxy will know peace while their conflict continues. Elissa seems to be waiting for Ben to speak. 

His hand flexes around the hilt of his lightsaber. 

“I know you doubt my honesty when I say that the First Order’s cease-fire with the Resistance _must stand._ I have proven how serious I am about this by safely executing the release and return of all First Order prisoners associated with the Galactic Republic.” Ben hisses, glaring at Rahn, who seems to lose his nerve the moment Ben directs his words towards him. “Hux, I’m sure you’ll be heartbroken to hear that the three ships containing your prisoners have returned safely to Naboo, and your band of insubordinates have been apprehended,” Ben relishes in the flash of fear that crosses Hux’s face. He’s seeing red, and all he can think about is taking his lightsaber and cutting Hux clean in half. “Elissa, I invite the Senate to try these men as war criminals, for their attempt to ruin a Galactic treaty signed by both myself and the Senate as a whole, with the exception of one man.” 

Ben knows that Rey is looking at him, probing at his mind in an attempt to recenter him. He hates ignoring her, but it’s almost unintentional. His rage is burning him inside out. 

There is a dark part of him that will never go away, no matter how much he’s cracked himself open to let the light shine through. He will always want to be in charge, he will always want to seek revenge. These are not the Jedi ways, but Ben is not a Jedi. 

Turning, Ben draws his saber and with a swift swing, detaches Armitage Hux’s head from his body. This time, the sounds that ripple through the crowd are gasps of horror, and Ben hates that he likes them. 

Let the past die. He’s killed the last piece of it with his own hand. 

Ben turns on the heel of his boot and leaves the Senate chamber. He doesn’t look at Rey as he goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so supportive and great! Leave me more comments so I can hear your thoughts! 
> 
> ALSO I'm thinking of writing a few one shots. Anybody got any prompts they'd particularly like to see written? Comment down below or better yet, drop some ideas into my Tumblr inbox! (Same username). Love you all! <3
> 
> \- K


	14. (Standing With An) Army

After the Senate meeting, Rey stomps her way back to her room without a word to anyone. When she throws open the door, intent on huddling under the covers and not coming out for _any reason_ until her anger has dissipated, she finds Ben already there, pacing back and forth in the room and rubbing a long finger over his lip in thought. 

“Get out,” She commands, and he stops his pacing to look up at her, dark eyes wide. 

“Rey, listen,” He begins, stepping towards her. 

“No! I don’t want to listen. I asked one thing of you Ben, one thing, and you ignored me. I don’t want to speak to you. Get out,” She hisses again, pointing towards the door. Rey doesn’t care that he’s beginning to look very guilty – let him. She only asked him not to kill anyone, and he’s gone and done exactly that. Albeit only one person who perhaps would have died anyway, but Ben seems to think that these are his choices to make, when Rey knows they aren’t. He probably knows they aren’t either, but he’s too damn stubborn and prideful to acknowledge when someone is in charge that _isn’t him._

“Rey, please listen to me for a second,” Ben pleads, reaching for her hand. 

“Get the fuck out, _Kylo,”_ She knows the name is a low blow, can see it on his face when his dark eyes flood with anger and without another word, pushes past her and slams the door behind him. Rey’s anger quickly gives way to sadness, as the scent of him lingers in the air around her. Before long she finds herself on her knees, body wracked with sobs. 

This will never work. There is too much of him that Rey will never be able to understand. He’s volatile, an open flame or exposed wire or dormant volcano that could erupt at any moment, and she’s not sure she can handle that. But the thought of leaving him feels causes her insides to twist and whine and she doubles over, tears escaping heavy eyes. 

Rey stays in her bed all night and most of the next day, and feels so guilty about it, it only makes her cry more. It’s not until Rose and Finn come jumping on her bed that she’s able to find the strength to sit up and smile at them. 

“What’s got you so upset? Is it what Rahn said? That bastard will be out of the Senate soon enough if Elissa has anything to say about it,” Rose tells her, that look of sparkling defiance in her eye making Rey feel a little bit lighter. 

“No, Rose, it’s not that. It’s nothing, just not feeling well,” Rey lies, but Rose and Finn both seem to buy it, despite the fact that she _knows_ they know about her and Ben. A soft knock comes from the door and Rey expects it to be Elissa, but instead, it’s Poe, smiling sheepishly with a mug in hand. 

“Hey, guys,” He greets. “Can I have a second with Rey?” Finn glances over to Rey as if to ask if that’s okay, and when she nods, he and Rose hop up from the bed and leave them in the room, Rey fiddling with the threads on her blanket as Poe walks over. “Brought you some tea,” He says, handing her the steaming ceramic mug he’s holding. 

“Thank you,” Rey says, smiling a little bit. When she takes a sip, it tastes like flowers and sugar, and what happiness feels like to Rey. 

“My mom’s recipe. She says it cures anything from a head cold to heartbreak,” Poe tells her, sitting down on the edge of the bed. 

“It’s delicious,” Rey says quietly. A few moments of uncomfortable silence pass between them, Rey watching the tea swirl around and steam in the mug. 

“I’m sorry,” Poe says suddenly, coughing a little bit over the words. “I’m sorry for how I acted towards you the other day, and how I acted at Leia’s funeral. That wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Ben but especially not fair to you,” He tells her, looking up at her with guilty dark eyes. “I was angry and I shouldn’t have let that get to me, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You know I trust Solo about as far as I can throw him but I’m sorry you ever doubted my trust for you.” 

Rey nods absently at him, and Poe gives a little sigh. 

“I forgive you,” Rey says, and he seems to visibly relax at the words, the tension running from his shoulders like it’s being chased. “I’m sorry I kept so many secrets,” She states. 

“Everyone has secrets, Rey. You did more for the Resistance in a couple short months than we’ve been able to do in years. We might have a lot of heart but none of us have your compassion. You were always going to be the only one able to bring peace between Ben and Leia, and I know she was grateful for it. We all are,” Poe takes her hand and squeezes, smiling a little. 

“You don’t hate me for loving him?” Rey whispers, tears slipping down her face, as if admitting it out loud to someone else makes it more real. Poe just shakes his head. 

“Never,” He says, definitive in the word. 

Poe reaches out and hugs her tight when she starts to cry.

 

“Rey!” Elissa pokes her head into Rey’s doorway as she’s sitting on her floor, tweaking her lightsaber. She hasn’t heard from Ben in a week, and it’s beginning to wear on her, even though she’s been the one shutting him out. Poe has taken her on a few of the trips to reconnect the First Order’s prisoners with their families, thinking it would bring her a little bit of joy, and it does. But only a little bit. She misses her own little family of her and Ben, but she’s not going to give into her sadness while she’s still angry at him. Rey is determined to make him realize that he’s wrong first. If a future with her is what he wants, he’s going to have to learn that she won’t budge on her own beliefs. 

Rey knows in her heart that Ben will never lose the dark part of him that lingers, and she doesn’t want him to. It’s what makes him who he is. Just like Rey’s own darkness is part of her, and they can never be anything other than what they are. 

Rising from her spot on the floor, Rey brushes dust off of her pants before opening the door for Elissa to step inside. The young Queen has been in council all day, and she has traditional powder on her face that makes her look less like a human and more like a doll. 

“Rey, join me for dinner in the gardens tonight? There’s supposed to be a meteor shower,” She says, eyes alight with something like mischief when she looks at Rey, who nods her reply. 

“I’d love to,” Rey says, and Elissa is already a flurry of activity as she’s running out the door.

“Great! Meet you in the garden at nightfall!” She calls, halfway out of Rey’s sight already. Shaking her head, Rey makes her way over to her balcony for a breath of fresh air when she feels the bond tugging at her mind, and she’s powerless to stop it. 

“Rey,” Ben breathes, suddenly beside her. She turns on her heel and disappears back inside, shutting the balcony doors and locking them. She forgets though, that there are multiple doors, and suddenly Ben is back in her space, brushing a curtain out of the way as he steps in. “Rey, we need to talk.”

“What part of ‘I don’t want to see you’, do you not understand, Ben?” Rey shouts, whirling on him with a ferocity akin to fighting. “I have nothing to say to you at the moment. Leave,” She hisses, even though her face must give away her sadness, because Ben reaches out as if to cup her face, but she knocks his hand away. She hates how handsome he is, how dark and beautiful those eyes are and how all she wants to do is fall into his arms.

“Rey, you can’t hide from me forever. Sooner or later we have to talk about this,” Ben pleads with her, and she can’t tear her eyes away from his hand reaching out to her, gloveless, warm and calloused; she can feel them her skin. 

“I choose later,” She hisses, and with every fiber of her being, pushes him out of her head until he disappears. 

 

As the sun begins to sink over the lake, Rey ties her hair back and slides on a pair of flat shoes, making her way towards the gardens. The palace is quiet, her friends nowhere in sight, the sunset washing the white marble in hues of purple and pink and orange. Rey could explore the galaxy and never cease to be amazed at the amount of color it has to show.

The weather outside is warm, comfortable enough that if Rey were to lay down, she’s sure she might fall asleep, given that she hasn’t slept well since she watched Ben detach his General’s head from his body. 

Speak, and he shall appear, it seems. Or think, rather. 

From the palace doors to her right, Ben steps outside with his head down, looking deep in thought, until he senses her. 

“What are you doing here?” Rey hisses, and his confusion is pure when it registers on his face. 

“Elissa asked me to come and join her for dinner. What are you doing here?” Ben states slowly, as if afraid he’ll nudge Rey off the edge if he speaks to her. 

“Meeting Elissa for dinner,” She growls back, realizing _exactly_ what their friend has done. To her surprise, Ben lets out a loud, rueful laugh, a deprecating grin on his face. 

“Always the mediator,” Ben huffs, running a hand through already disheveled hair. Rey can’t stop herself from feeling angry. Elissa must have known that she didn’t want to speak to, much less _see_ Ben, but of course, she has to take matters into her own hands. 

“You’re not getting dinner until you speak to each other,” Elissa’s voice comes from an upstairs window and Ben and Rey peer up to find their friend leaning over the sill, looking at them with a cocked eyebrow and serious eyes. With a swish of her hand, the doors of the balcony close and leave Ben and Rey outside without a plan of escape, save for diving straight into the water. Elissa closes the drapes with a finite movement, and they’re alone. 

The silence is thick, heavy – and Rey can’t seem to catch her breath. Ben has his hands locked behind him and is staring down, studying the toes of his boots it seems. 

“Why did you do it? Why did you ignore the only thing I asked you not to do?” Rey asks finally, effectively ending the uncomfortable silence. Ben looks up at her. 

“Because I had to, Rey. I know you don’t understand it and I don’t expect you to, but I had to get rid of the last thing that was holding me back, and I had to do it myself. I couldn’t just hand him over to the Senate for them to throw him into a cell – that’s not enough,” Ben tells her. 

“That’s not your choice to make, Ben. Don’t you see that? You don’t always get to decide who lives or dies,” Rey tells him, stepping forward, finally close enough to feel the heat from his body. He nods quietly. “You frighten me, Ben,” Rey whispers. His eyes snap up to meet hers and he opens his mouth as if to speak, but only closes it again. “I don’t always know who it is I’m looking at. I never know if I’m enough to keep you in the light when there’s so much of you that I don’t understand. I never know if I take my eyes off you if you’ll fall back into what you once were. I can’t always tell if you’re Ben Solo or if you’re Kylo Ren, and that scares me,” Rey tells him, forcing the words through the lump in her throat. 

“I don’t always know either,” Ben says quietly, reaching out to take her hand and twine their fingers together absently, studying the way they fit together. “Whoever I am, both parts of me love you,” He tells her, and Rey finds herself shaking her head. 

“That might be true, Ben, but it’s not enough to hear you say it. Show me,” She tells him, unlatching her hand from his in favor of taking his face in her hands and lifting his chin so their eyes meet. “Show me that you want this, that you want me.” 

Ben smiles softly at her, thumb tracing circles on her hip over the light blue tunic she wears. 

“They’re going to put me on trial, Rey,” Ben states. “The First Order is disbanding, the Senate is taking control of the Stormtroopers, and they’ll become a deployable force. I will become a war criminal, most likely,” He tells her, and Rey finds herself reeling back. 

“The First Order is disbanding?” She breathes, as Ben only nods. 

“All weapons and technology will be handed over to the Senate.” 

“Why?” Rey asks, even though she thinks she may already know the answer. 

“I don’t want to rule. I thought I did, but there are other things I want more,” He tells her, looking up at her with glittering eyes. 

“Does Elissa know?” Rey asks, and Ben only nods. “And you’re sure they’ll put you on trial? Why?” 

“It was in the contract we signed when the cease-fire began. If the First Order was to fall, or disband, I’d have to face judgement for my crimes,” Ben states, taking a few steps back to sit down on a bench, reaching over to run his fingers over the petals of a flower. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Rey asks, fuming. “You knew all along that if you were able to get Hux to commit to mutiny that the First Order would crumble, and that you would have to face trial. Why didn’t you tell me that, Ben?” Rey questions, kneeling down to look at him. His sadness is palpable, spread across his face like dying sunlight. 

“Rey, I know you’re smart. You knew this is what was going to happen, you know it,” Ben says softly. “You know I was never going to be able to get out of this without a fight.”

He is right, Rey did know. She has known that there’s no way they were going to live any sort of life together inside the First Order with him as its’ leader, and the Senate was never going to just let him _resign._

“But, what will they do to you?” Rey’s voice comes out in an embarrassing whimper. 

“I don’t know,” Ben replies, reaching up to brush a piece of hair from Rey’s eyes. “I don’t know what they’ll do. They could send me to prison, exile me – any number of things,” Neither of them say what they’re both thinking. They could execute him. Some people may think that’s the only atonement for his crimes. Perhaps, if this weren’t Ben, it would be. But Rey knows that that’s hardly what he deserves. 

“I won’t let them hurt you,” Rey whispers, clambering up onto his lap and cradling his head against her chest, heart positively _singing_ at being close to him again. 

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Ben whispers. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you - I regret everything I’ve ever done that’s hurt you and I will spend the rest of my life apologizing and trying to be worthy of you,” He tells her, holding her tight. 

“Promise me you’re not going to decapitate anyone else,” Rey laughs a little through quiet tears, and Ben answers her with a chuckle.

“If they don’t try to hurt you, I won’t,” He promises, and Rey supposes that’s as good as she’s going to get from him. He can’t tell her he won’t ever feel the pull to darkness, and Rey appreciates that he won’t lie about that. 

“When is the trial?” Rey questions, running her hands through Ben’s hair.

“Tomorrow morning. Will you be there?” He asks, looking achingly hopeful, grabbing her hand in a way that tells her that he _needs_ her there. 

“I wouldn’t miss it.” 

 

The trial starts at dawn, and Ben and Rey spend as much time as possible curled together on her bed, unwilling to get up from the comfort of the warm blankets and each other. Rey spends the last few moments of the dark morning running her fingers through Ben’s hair and relishing in the feel of him under her fingertips. 

Ben is lying with his head over her stomach, cradling her close as the first few rays of sun paint the scars across his back white. Rey doesn’t dare speak, move, or hope in this moment – she doesn’t want the world to be turned upside down when he has to get up to attend the trial. She doesn’t hope that they’ll let him go, doesn’t dare think about a future with him past this very moment. 

“Help me, Rey,” Ben says quietly, pulling himself up to lock eyes with her. “Give me strength,” He pleads, their foreheads pressed together. Rey kisses him softly. 

“I’ll help you always, Ben,” She promises, and reluctantly coaxes him up out of bed to get ready. A knock on the door reveals Poe, Finn, Rose and Elissa as Rey is tying her hair back and slinging the cream-colored wrap over her shoulder. 

“Poe’s got something to say,” Rose announces, looking at the pilot expectantly, as he looks slightly uncomfortable. No doubt part of it is the fact that Ben is in Rey’s room, still shirtless. 

“Yeah, I, uh,” He begins. “I’m sorry for how I acted. And also, we’re testifying for you,” Poe rushes out, as if the words have taken up so much space in his mind that he’ll forget them if he doesn’t say them immediately. Ben raises an eyebrow. 

“You’re…what?” 

“Us. We’re testifying for you. Well, also sort of for Rey, but yeah, we’re gonna try to make sure the Senate doesn’t kill you!” Rose announces in that ever-cheery tone and Rey can’t help but smile, even though Rose isn’t the best at presentation, she got their point across. Ben looks to Rey with wide eyes. 

“You’re going to,” He begins, breathless. 

“Defend you, yes. I asked them to,” Rey tells him, feeling her face heat to the point of boiling her blood under his gaze. 

“Begged,” Poe coughs. 

“But, will the Senate let you do that?” Ben asks, looking from Rey to Elissa, who is standing quietly to Poe’s side. 

“They have to. Everyone is entitled by Galactic Law to defendants and a fair trial that includes a jury. There are no rules to who can and cannot defend you in front of the Senate,” Elissa states, and Rey looks at Ben to find him still gaping at them, mouth open. 

“I, thank you,” Ben stutters out, running a hand through his hair with a breathless laugh. The moment of lighthearted happiness is over, though, when one of Elissa’s advisors comes sliding into the room. 

“Your Majesty? It’s almost time,” She says, with a little bow towards Elissa and shifty eyes that are attempting to not look at Ben’s bare chest. Elissa nods. 

“Let’s go, kids,” She says, ushering Poe and Finn and Rose out of the room to leave them. Rey can feel the relief that’s flooding around Ben, but she can also feel the frustration and loneliness and fear that’s plaguing him. No one can tell what will happen today, and they have to assume the worst, just to be safe. 

“Ben,” Rey steps forward and takes his hands in her own, holding them close to her chest. “We’re doing this together. It’ll be okay.” 

 

They walk him in in handcuffs, much like Ben had delivered Rey to Snoke. He briefly wonders if this is how she felt, walking to what should have been almost certain death. As Ben is marched to the chamber, his brain refuses to cooperate with him and form any sort of argument on his behalf. No, instead, all he can think about is Rey, and living to see her face another day. That’s all he wants. They can jail him, exile him, cut off his hand, take his lightsaber – as long as tomorrow, or someday down the road, he can wake up to that beautiful face every day. If she’ll have him, that is. 

The Senate hall is packed with people, all looking quietly at him as the doors open. He suppresses a shiver and locates Rey, keeping their eyes locked as they walk him to the stand. Ben knows that if he looks away, he’ll lose his nerve. There’s no point in hiding his emotion anymore, he’s going to be punished in some way for all that he’s done. May as well take it like a man, and not hidden under a mask, whether that be one made of metal or one he creates.

Rey gives him a little smile as they settle him on the bench, his handcuffs locked in front of him, subduing his force powers. 

“Let’s begin,” The judge says. They read out his list of crimes, some more gruesome than others, and he can see Rey trying not to wince. There are things included in the list however, that are crimes he never committed. After a lengthy list, the judge speaks again. “Kylo Ren, are there any crimes on this list that you would like to dispute before the trial begins?” Ben takes a deep breath and clears his throat. 

“Yes. I did not murder Aya Dameron. I did not personally execute the operation of Starkiller Base. I did not kill Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, or Paige Tico,” Ben states, looking over to Rey’s friend, Rose, who squares her jaw. Who has accused him of killing all these people, some of which he’s never even been in the same room as? “I did not give the order for General Hux to attempt to intercept the Resistance on Arbra, nor was I aware of his plan to sabotage the Order’s prisoners as they were being returned here to Naboo,” There are so many things on that list that Ben can dispute, but those are the ones that he wants to tell the Senate out loud. 

“Does anyone in the chamber second this?” The judge asks, and Elissa, in a loud, clear voice, calls “Aye”. Ben breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Very well,” The judge says. “These disputed claims will be directly addressed during the trial by Ren’s defendants. Will the first defendant please approach the stand,” Elissa rises, and a few low rumbles ripple through the surrounding crowd. Ben supposes that it probably is surprising that the Queen of Naboo is to defend him, especially after being at war for so long. Elissa takes the stand next to Ben, reaching a hand out to him that he takes. She squeezes and gives him her famous little smile, a little spark of reassurance going through him with her kindness. Elissa is a person that Ben thought would never be on his side again, and regretted cutting ties with her in the first place, since her alliance is an unparalleled force. But she’s here now, and for that Ben is grateful. 

“Aya always believed in you, you know. If she were here now, she’d have defended you. Especially considering your love for Rey,” Elissa tells him quietly, her eyes shining with tears as she speaks. 

“Love is the most powerful force in the galaxy,” Ben states. “She loved to remind us of that,” He can hear Aya saying it, the summer he was back from training with Luke after a long while, right before his Uncle tried to kill him. They’d been sitting by a lake on one of the long-forgotten Resistance bases, wherever they were at that point. Ben, seventeen, gangly and plagued with insomnia, hating being back in the same space as his mother. Aya and Elissa had fallen completely in love by the time he had gotten back that summer, and he remembers watching the two of them with a jealous gaze, convinced he’d never have that. Aya would have loved Rey. 

“Your Majesty, Elissa,” The judge greets Elissa as she takes her place at the stand, fluffing her skirts around her and smiling, seemingly unfazed by everyone else’s judgmental gazes. 

“Shall I begin my story? Very well. I’ve known Ben Solo since we were both very young, and if there’s anyone who can convince this Senate that the heart that beats within his chest is one of goodness and light, I hope that it will be me. Of all the years I have known him, Ben Solo has proven to be many things, but a liar is not one. Everything he does, everything he says, is done with his whole heart. And if his mother were here, she would say the same thing,” Ben knows that Elissa doesn’t believe everything she’s saying. He’s not all good and she knows that, but Elissa has a hold over the Senate that no one can deny, and therefore, this might really work. 

After Elissa’s speech, Poe follows, giving similar stories that prove Ben’s goodness from when they were children, but he knows that the Senate isn’t totally convinced. Then Finn gets up to the stand, and Ben can’t help but stare at him with his mouth open the entire time he speaks. 

“I served in the First Order for most of my life, and I didn’t know who I was serving under or why I was there, but I never really got the chance, but mostly didn’t have the nerve, to question it. When I went with the First Order to Jakku looking for Lor San Tekka, who was in a village full of rebels, and under instruction of Kylo Ren, who was under the instruction of Snoke, we slaughtered the village. There was so much blood and devastation, not just because we didn’t leave a single person alive in the village but so many of my friends died that day. Well, not really my friends – more like brothers-in-arms, really. And I thought I would die too, especially when I looked over and saw Kylo Ren staring at me. I know now that he probably knows exactly what was going through my mind, but he didn’t stop me, he let me go and he didn’t ask me about why I wasn’t firing my blaster. He just let me go,” As Finn speaks, Ben is realizing that the scene is coming back to him and yes, Ben knew that Finn was going to defect at that moment, even if Finn didn’t really know it himself. But he let him go because it wasn’t a fight that he would feel good about winning. “After that, I defected and joined the Resistance. And I can’t really forgive him for what he’s done, not really, not for Han or what he put Leia through but I think he deserves the same chance he gave me. Which is to live, and to do something better.” 

Finn finishes with a little tip of his head and Ben can see how he shakes with nerves as he steps off the stand and stops in front of Ben, extending a hand to him. Ben can’t really bring himself to say anything, especially since his mouth goes dry when Finn is walking away and Rey is taking the stand beside him, looking absolutely ethereal in all off-white, her hair tied back neatly in a braid. She steals a glance at him and her eyes are calm, more serene than he’s feeling. 

“Rey, is it?” The judge asks, as she nods. “And you’d like to testify _for_ Kylo Ren, despite the fact that there are accounts of both kidnapping and attempted murder regarding you?” 

“Yes,” Rey grits out between her teeth. 

“Let me just ask you Rey,” The judge begins, and Ben can see the way that Rey bristles with anger. He hasn’t asked anyone else all of these questions. “Why? Why would you testify for a man that has made your life so difficult?” Rey closes her eyes momentarily, the ghost of a smile crossing her face. 

_“Ben Solo_ is the man I’m defending, and that’s because he’s the man who saved my life. There is another murder you should add to that list. Snoke,” Rey hisses, and Ben nearly falls out of his seat. Of all the things that the council has gathered about him, no one but Rey would ever know that he had killed Snoke. In fact, he feels utterly stupid that he hadn’t thought to tell them. The murder of the man who brought chaos to the galaxy certainly doesn’t cancel out the one’s Ben _has_ committed, but it’s a damn good start. 

_“Mr. Solo,”_ the judge spits out, as if not entirely willing to say the name. Ben looks up. “Is this true? Did you kill Supreme Leader Snoke?” Rey glances over at Ben, giving him a reassuring little smile. 

“Yes,” He states, and that familiar wave of sound goes through the crowd. 

“Rey, please recount the events of this murder, as you were apparently present,” The judge asks, and Rey glances over at Ben with a twitching hand, like she wants to reach out to him.

“I arrived on the First Order’s ship, _The Finalizer,_ to speak to Ben. He took me to Snoke, who demanded that he kill me. Instead, Ben killed Snoke,” She speaks softly and quickly, as if giving away too much information will accompany her giving away her emotions. Ben marvels at her strength. How can this girl, this woman, stand up in front of an entire Senate and council in a packed chamber and calmly recount the events of their mutual treason? 

“You mean to tell me that when Kylo Ren turned against his master for _you?”_ Ben hates the way the judge’s voice emphasizes the word. As if Rey were nobody, someone totally unimportant to this story. Suddenly, Ben realizes his mistake. She is nothing and no one where her parents are concerned – apart from them, she has become something else entirely. She has become Ben’s miracle. Rey is everything. She is the physical embodiment of the strength Ben wishes he had always had, the embodiment of light, of love. 

“Yes,” Ben answers. “Yes, I killed him. Because I couldn’t let him hurt her,” He chokes out. 

“Why?” The judge presses. Ben feels himself becoming more agitated by the moment, but holds back a snappy remark for Rey’s sake, more than his own. 

“Love,” Rey answers for him, her sweet voice clear and unwavering. “I love him. He loves me. I’m not sure you need any more proof than that,” She states. Ben can see Elissa smiling. 

“Is this true? You killed you master and saved this girl because…you _love_ her?” The judge asks, his voice a bit softer than it was before. Everyone in the room seems to hold their breath, including Ben, the silence deafening. For the first time in years, Ben feels the truth race through him like a ball of light. 

“Yes. I love her,” He states with finality. “I killed Snoke to prevent him from harming Rey, because I was never going to hurt her either. I couldn’t. I do love her,” Ben says softly, and the only thing he can see is Rey. Her bright eyes shining with tears and her soft smile, and all he wants to do is launch himself over the stand and into her arms, beg her forgiveness and ask her to love him for the rest of his life, no matter how hard it may be. 

“The council and Senate will take a brief recess to discuss this new information,” The judge says, and before he knows it there are guards surrounding him, blocking Rey from his view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no!! What will the Senate/Council decide??? 
> 
> Who knows???
> 
> Do I even know? 
> 
> That's the real question. 
> 
> read and comment and drink some wine. <3


	15. A New Order

Rey can’t stop her hands from shaking as she’s sitting in the council chamber with Ben blocked from her sight, everyone around her speaking quietly to each other. Elissa takes her hand, squeezing gently to give her some reassurance. 

“What will they do?” Rey whispers, her voice cracking over the words. Elissa gives her a sad smile. 

“I don’t know, Rey,” She admits, with a little shake of her head. “But we have to hope for the best.”

Rey nods back and squeezes Elissa’s hand, standing with a sigh. She has to speak to him. The guards stand shoulder to shoulder in front of Ben, hiding him from her view. 

“You will move,” Rey hisses, and when they do, Ben’s head is bowed with his hands clasped in front of him, deep in thought, or maybe in prayer. Rey takes his hands in hers. Ben glances up slowly, entwining his fingers with Rey’s as she bends down to meet him. 

“Rey,” Ben shakes his head, resting their foreheads together. “Rey, I don’t think it worked, they’re not going to let me go,” He breathes, lifting his hands to brush his fingers along her cheeks. 

“Shh, Ben, you don’t know that,” Rey says softly, trying to reassure herself more than him. She has so many potential options running through her mind – she could use the force to trick them all, she could beg that they let him go, break him out and run away before any sort of execution could take place. Ben hears her thoughts and begins to laugh a little, cupping her cheek in his hand. 

“Oh, my Rey,” He whispers. “Always trying to save me,” Rey opens her eyes to look at him, his eyes strangely light and calm. “You already have.” 

The chamber doors open before Rey can respond and the judge returns to the stand with the Senate, save for Elissa. Rey can see them staring, and knows that she should sit back down but the thought of letting go of Ben’s hand is making her heart ache. It’s only when Finn waves her back over that she lets go, pressing a gentle kiss to Ben’s forehead, mostly because she wants to, but more so that everyone can see. Everyone knows now that she loves him, and she’s past apologizing for it. 

“The council has made a decision,” The judge declares, and all noise ceases. Ben never takes his eyes off of Rey. 

 

Ben has spent a lot of his life _waiting,_ it seems. Waiting to grow up, waiting to find love, waiting to find his purpose in all of this – and now he waits again, to hear what the rest of his life will hold, whether there will be more life at all. 

He has many regrets, but his biggest one is staring him in the face as he makes a resolution to himself – he’s never told Rey that he loves her. Not directly. He needs to tell her. 

“The council has made its’ decision,” the judge repeats, making sure he has everyone’s attention. Ben can hear his heartbeat in his ears, the blood rushing through his veins. 

His heartbeat is so loud, it seems, that he can hardly hear what the judge says. 

“The council has decided that the war criminal Kylo Ren will be pronounced dead, and will return to his former namesake now and forever more. The council has also decided,” The judge continues. “That Ben Solo will be sentenced to exile in the Outer Rim for five years, and may not return to the Inner Rim and its’ core planets for those five years.”

Exile. They’re letting him live. 

Rey.

“The ramifications of exile are that you may not return, _but,_ you will be permitted to travel to any planet within the Outer Rim, with anyone, if you so choose. The council and Senate will monitor all communications and anyone within the Inner Rim and its’ core planets that wishes to contact you, must be cleared with the Senate first. If you are found contacting the former First Order or any of its’ supporters, you will be immediately executed without trial. If it is found that you are engaging in suspicious or illegal activity, you will be immediately executed. If you are found attempting to return past the Expansion Region and into the Inner Rim you will be immediately executed. Are these demands clear, Mr. Solo?” The judge questions, and Ben nods his head, maybe too fast. 

“I understand,” Ben states, his heart pounding in his chest, ready to burst out in excitement. 

“Very well. Your exile will begin one galactic calendar week from today,” The judge tells him, and the bang of the gavel from high up in the chamber announces its’ end. The handcuffs around his wrist come undone, and the moment he stands, Ben is nearly toppled over by Rey, who’s thrown herself around him. 

“You’re safe,” She whispers, her arms around his neck and body pressed tight against his, holding onto each other like it’s the last moment they have.

But it’s not.

“I love you,” Ben whispers, and even though they’re in a crowded council chamber, with Rey’s friends only a few steps away, the only person in the room for him, is her. She’s standing there, smiling, crying – her beautiful face lighting up when she looks at him. 

“I love _you,”_ Rey whispers back.

 

Elissa is the one who arranges everything for Ben’s exile, from credits to a ship, and he couldn’t be more grateful. 

“Where will you go?” Poe asks Ben, as they all sit having dinner together. Ben hasn’t sat with people he’d consider his friends and enjoyed a dinner in years, since he was a teenager at a Resistance base somewhere in the galaxy. There’s a sense of belonging he feels for the first time in years, a sweet feeling long forgotten. Ben shrugs at Poe. 

“All over, I suppose. I had an idea,” Ben states, clearing his throat and turning to look at Rey. “An idea to search throughout the galaxy, for children who are force sensitive. It’s a difficult thing as a child, to feel something like that and not know what it is. But, I can’t do it alone,” He tells her, and Rey gives him a little smile. 

“Make something new?” She questions, and Ben only nods. “So, we find the children and, what? Train them? But the ways of the Jedi aren’t exactly relevant anymore,” Rey laughs a little. 

“So, make new rules,” Elissa interjects, shrugging behind her glass of wine. “Teach the dark and the light together. Teach passion and anger alongside forgiveness and compassion. Devoid of politics, create a Jedi order the way it was always meant to be.” 

Ben and Rey’s hands are clasped together on top of the table, and when he looks at her, she’s already looking at him, her eyes wide and lovely. 

“We’ll do it together, then,” Ben says. “A new order.” 

 

They leave dinner with a toast from Elissa, and Rey and Ben walk hand in hand outside in the gardens, their fingers and souls entwined together. 

“Five years, Ben,” Rey says softly, when they stop to stare at the reflections of the moons on the water. “That’s a long time.”

“Can you forgive me? I know you may not be able to completely, but will five years prove to you that I want you? Forever?” Ben asks, holding his breath as he turns to look at her, his entire body trembling beneath her gaze. Can he be enough for her? Abruptly, Ben drops to his knee before her, Rey squeezing his hands in a death grip. “I promise, Rey. I promise that I will spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of you, to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I promise. Marry me,” The words are out of Ben’s mouth before he really thinks about them, but he doesn’t regret them, not in the slightest. He means them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short BUT THE FINAL CHAPTER IS COMING


	16. I See The Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale! Mostly from Elissa's pov. Thank you for being on this journey with me. <3

Elissa stands next to Poe, her hand wrapped around his arm as the garden doors open. She gave Rey what had to be hundreds of suggestions for venues, but of course, she chose the garden, had said she wanted to be surrounded by all the life. Rey positively _floats_ down the marble aisle, a physical image of light in her white dress, hair flowing over her shoulders. The dress is simple but then, Rey has never needed any of the flashing accessories to be beautiful, she just is. Blindingly beautiful, if the look on Ben’s face says anything as he watches her come down the aisle. Elissa knows that Ben will be good to her, he’ll put his whole heart into loving her. 

Finn walks Rey down the aisle, smiling proudly as she blushes the color of the red flowers she’s holding. 3PO had told Elissa that this was right near the spot that Anakin and Padme had gotten married many years ago, just across the lake. Elissa kept that little fact to herself, at least for now. Maybe she’d tell them later, but she doesn’t want this beautiful moment to be overshadowed by anything that’s happened in the past. 

Elissa may not have been trained in the ways of the Force, but she does know how to use it enough to her advantage. And, she can feel it’s warm glow around Ben and Rey as they stand at in front of the priest, hand in hand, eyes only for each other. Elissa thought maybe she’d be upset, that the wedding would be a little bittersweet, given that she never got to have one. But there’s no twinge of remorse or sadness that she feels as she watches Rey grin at Ben, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet. 

Tomorrow they leave for the Outer Rim, and Elissa will likely not see them for many years. The others, the straggling members of what was once the Resistance will be permitted to visit them, even with Finn’s new appointed post as Ambassador to the New Republic, at Elissa’s request. Truthfully, she’d wanted Ben to become a member of the Senate when he and Rey returned from the Outer Rim, but he’d declined for now. She can’t say she blames him – making something new means leaving almost everything else behind. 

There have been bumps in the road, large ones, and there always will be. Elissa will never fully trust Ben again, but she doesn’t need to. Rey does, and for the moment, that’s good enough for Elissa. 

 

Rey can hardly contain her excitement while she stands in front of Ben, looking into his dark eyes as the priest speaks and their friends look on. Their hands are clasped together, the thin band with a small diamond already resting on her finger. 

When they kiss, Rey’s heart sings with happiness as Ben holds her close, everywhere around her. Their friends shout their congratulations, their goodbyes for their journey that will start in the morning. 

Tonight, Ben only belongs to Rey, and she to him. 

“Wife,” Ben grins ear to ear as he says it, nuzzling his nose against her hair and laughs in a way that makes Rey’s heart flutter. “Rey, my love,” He whispers, hands roaming all over Rey’s body in a way that makes her breathless. “What did I do to deserve you?” 

With a smile, Rey reaches up and slides her hands into his formal robes, pulling them away from his body, eager to feel her skin pressed to his. He shivers under her touch, fingers tangling into Rey’s hair as she presses kisses to his neck and chest and every inch of skin she can uncover. The strength beneath his skin is amazing, to Rey. He’s all corded muscle and a beating heart and a soul that Rey loves more than anything in the world. 

She’s always going to be skin and bone, sharp edges with none of the softness of the women that she’s been surrounded by the past few months, but Rey is coming to terms with that in a way that no longer makes her hate everything she is. This afternoon when Elissa helped her into her wedding dress, she realized that she’d never felt more beautiful. And it wasn’t the rich fabric or the way her hair was done, it was because Rey was about to walk down an aisle towards a man that makes her feel that way, who doesn’t know that he was able to convince her that she _is_ beautiful. 

Ben is looking at her like she is the brightest star in the universe, hands touching her reverently, like he’s praying over her as her dress slides off her body. Rey gets to spend the rest of her life making love with the man in front of her, and she couldn’t be happier. They all have flaws, some mistakes larger than others, but if there’s anything she’s learned about Ben, he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to make up for them. 

With a little yelp, Rey is being whisked up into Ben’s arms as he lays her down on the bed, kissing her face and neck and hair and every inch of skin that he can possibly get to without moving too far away from her. He twines his fingers in her hair and kisses her mouth, murmuring how he loves her, how she’s beautiful. Rey can only kiss him back, accept the words as he whispers them into her skin. 

“Rey,” Ben says suddenly, looking up at her with sudden reverence. “You saved me,” He tells her, a grin on his face that stops Rey’s breath as they both giggle.

_Saving what we love._

Rey cries real, beautiful tears when he’s inside her, holding her close with his arms encircling her body and she doesn’t remember what it feels like to hurt, to miss someone, to have nothing that is her own. Now she does – she’s got something that she’s always wanted, with a man that she never thought she’d have – a family. 

More challenges lie outside the bedroom door that they’ve locked themselves in for the night, but Rey isn’t worried, not even a little. Gathering all of the Force-sensitive children from the Outer Rim and establishing a real school will not be met without opposition, especially after the Senate catches wind of their plan. There’s so much Rey still needs to learn before she even begins to teach anyone else. She’s going to miss her friends: Finn and Poe and Rose and Jessika and especially Elissa, who won’t be allowed to visit her and Ben while they’re exiled, like the others can. She did, however, have someone repair the Falcon and pack every possible thing they’d need for their journey as a goodbye. Rey knows that eventually she’ll see her again, maybe she’ll write, but she’ll miss her. She hopes that by the time they get back Elissa will be ready to tell her more about Aya, because there’s a lot that Rey wants to know. Maybe during their journey, she can get Ben to tell her more about his childhood friends since they’ll have plenty of time to talk, she figures. Talk, and do other fun things, similar to what they’re doing right now.

Rey has all the time in the galaxy to learn everything about Ben – about his heart and his mind and his body, and there’s nothing more she wants in her life. 

 

 _Epilogue_

When the Falcon touches back down into the atmosphere, followed by a small passenger ship, Elissa practically runs out of the palace doors and down onto the tarmac to greet them. There’s a flurry of excitement as Finn and Poe follow, newly back from their trip to Coruscant on Elissa’s behalf. They hold hands, bouncing with excitement at the prospect of seeing their friends and sharing their exciting news. From a few feet away, Elissa can see the rings sparkling on their fingers. They had been adamant about not holding the ceremony until Rey and Ben got back, didn’t even _hint_ to the two that it was happening when they went to visit, except for explaining that yes, Rose and Finn decided to be just friends, because no, it just didn’t really feel right and _yes,_ they really are friends and everything is okay. According to Finn, _Ben_ was the one who figured it out first and claimed that he wasn’t surprised at all, knowing Poe. Rey had apparently seemed a little caught off guard, but in true Rey fashion, had embraced them both with excitement. 

Elissa had known Poe was in love with Finn the moment they got to Naboo almost six years ago; he all but told her, and she’d responded: _Like sister, like brother._ She’s glad they’re finally together now, and that Finn and Rose were able to leave their brief romance behind in favor of being friends. Seems to Elissa though, that other people have been taking advantage of being in love in other ways, given that Ben is helping Rey down the ramp of the Falcon, one hand holding hers and the other hovering over her slightly protruding tummy. Elissa finds herself giggling. 

“Surprise!” Rey says, her arms held up to show them her stomach, and Poe nearly shouts with elation, rushing forward to gather her up his arms and spin her around, both he and Finn smothering her with excitement and love. Ben looks on with a grin, then begins waving the students off of the Falcon and the small passenger ship. There’s about fifteen, maybe more, by what Elissa can see. 

“You’re having a baby!” Finn is yelling, bent down to press his hands to Rey’s stomach, who’s laughing hysterically and trying to wave him off. Elissa steps forward and when Rey catches sight of her, launches herself into Elissa arms and squeals. 

“I missed you all so much,” Rey says, squeezing Elissa tight. Rey’s stomach is protruding just enough to be noticeable, and she glows. 

And so does Ben. 

Elissa has never seen him look so happy, grinning ear to ear as he looks at Rey and talks to Poe.

Later in the evening, Poe and Finn take the students on a tour of the castle and Elissa watches as Rey and Ben engaging in a sparring match out in the garden, Rey light on her feet despite the extra weight. The bright white of Rey’s double-bladed saber clashes against Ben’s shock of blue, their laughter reaching Elissa from where she stands on the balcony above them. 

As the sun sets low over the lake, Ben and Rey walk back, hand in hand. They’re no longer two kids playing with matchsticks just to watch the fire burn – Ben’s exile has leveled him, caused him to relearn to control his Force powers and find balance alongside Rey. They’ve both grown in the Force; Elissa can see it as if it’s a visible thread that tethers them together. They stop, turning to watch the sun sink down and the planets and Naboo’s moons begin to appear in the east. 

Soon, another darkness is going to rise, a sinister part of the Force that will rise from the ashes of regimes long ago, but for now, there is only balance. Not light, not dark, something perfectly in-between – what the Force was meant to be all along. For once, Elissa doesn’t feel worried about the future. Rey and Ben’s children are going to possess a strength that ensures that the Solo-Organa-Skywalker legacy is far from over.

Elissa can feel Aya near her, her love tangible even in her absence. 

Rey is carrying two children, Elissa realizes in that moment. A boy and a girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YA'LL KNOW I HAD TO BRING BACK STORMPILOT I JUST HAD TO. 
> 
> Gimme some prompts if ya'll want some more writing. ;) 
> 
> Thank you and I love you. <3 
> 
> -K

**Author's Note:**

> Lord have mercy. This chapter was short but click next and you'll get more. ;) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Seriously, thank you! Comments are the food that my body needs to survive. If you love it, tell me. If you hate it, tell me that also. 
> 
> This will probably end up being so many chapters and I'm so sorry in advance so just grab a glass of wine and settle in.


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